So where do we start with moving on from the pressure to be nice dictating and distracting from our sense of agency and success in the workplace? Here’s some advice on where to start.

Ellen Scott, Stylist’s acting digital content director and creator of the Working On Purpose newsletter.

Get comfortable with saying no: It takes practice but it’s essential. You can’t do everything, and constantly saying ‘yes’ is a surefire path to burnout and misery. Next time you’re asked to do something that you know isn’t worth your time or you don’t have the time to do, test out how saying “I’m not able to commit to this; could I direct you to [insert colleague’s name here] instead? Or can I answer any questions you have to help you do it yourself?” feels.

Know that there’s a difference between ‘too nice’ and caring: You can and should care! But it’s possible to care too much. Imagine yourself turning down the caring dial to hit that sweet spot. You care about your work and your colleagues’ views, but it’s not the entirety of your being. It’s fine if someone disagrees with you. It’s fine if you’re not someone’s favourite person. It’ll feel more fine as long as you have that stability of self to know that your worth is not reliant on everyone else’s thoughts.

Lean into honesty: Ask yourself: what do I really think? What do I really want to say? You might modulate a reaction to make it a more considered response, but the core of your actions and communications at work should align with your true feelings.

Emily Button-Lynham, career and leadership coach

Remove minimising words: A technique that is useful is to skim emails before sending and take out excessive apologies or self-deprecating language like ‘just’, ‘sorry’, ‘I feel’ – this means emails read much more confidently.

Be intentional and tap into your strength: Acting as our most confident self (or someone we admire) when faced with an uncomfortable or difficult conversation can be helpful to allow us to expand our comfort zone and release the pressures we have on ourselves to act a certain way

Remember that your career is about you: One of the most important pieces of advice I ever received was “no one cares about your career as much as you do”. This allowed me, as a 21-year-old on a graduate scheme in financial services, to really own my career and step into my power, and it’s something that nearly 13 years later I reflect on when thinking about my business and plans for the future.

Is there such a thing as being too ‘nice’ at work? Here’s how to make sure it’s not holding your career back