Content note: this article contains references to disordered eating that some readers may find upsetting.

It was, hands down, the worst Christmas present I’ve ever received: a Secret Santa gift from a colleague at my first job. I still remember the internal horror I felt as I held up a jumper embroidered with the words ‘Xmas Calories Don’t Count!’ and thanked her so much.

I’m sure she thought it was a harmless gift for a stranger, in the manner of a ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ cushion or a mug that says ‘But first, coffee’. To me, however, it was a clear comment on how many pigs-in-blankets I’d eaten at the work party. And while my relationship with food is relatively uncomplicated for most of the year, around Christmas I start to get the uncomfortable feeling that I’m being watched.

The thoughts spring out of nowhere, at friendsmas dinners and family lunches: am I putting too much on my plate? Will people think I’m greedy? Or am I not eating enough, not showing that I’m having a good time, that I’m appreciative of their hosting?

It’s no secret that what women consume is constantly under scrutiny, and a 2022 study published in the Psychology & Marketing journal found that we feel the pressure to choose ‘healthy’ over ‘indulgent’ foods when eating in a group for fear of being judged. During the festive season, when communal meals and family dynamics are thrown into the mix, it feels harder than ever to simply eat what we want in peace.

Why Christmas can come with an extra helping of food shame (and expert advice on how to handle it)