For Alex, deep listening is about “reading between the lines” when someone is telling you how they are, making sure that you ask for – and try to understand – the full story. “So much of our interactions even amongst friends are surface-level, and when someone asks how we are we automatically say ‘good thanks’. I can’t think of the last time someone responded truthfully to that question, so knowing there are people who you can totally bare your soul to is incredibly comforting.”

Alex isn’t the only one trying to change the way they ask (and respond) to the question ‘How are you?’ In an interview last year, Zoë Kravitz said that she’s started answering the question truthfully and without shame.

“It’s helped me want to connect with everybody,” she said. “When I go to the deli or I’m talking to a waiter or my Uber driver and they say ‘How are you?’ I’ve answered in an honest way for the first time. Like, ‘Oof’. Even that felt good.”

“Let’s let everything come to the surface, even with people we come in contact with for a moment. This situation can helps us be a little bit more awake with each other.”

How are you really? The one question you should be asking your friends this Christmas