Nobody who’s ambitious or creative wants to hear that being in a healthy relationship might dampen their inner drive. And it doesn’t always, of course – there are plenty of couples who bolster each other and even compete (an excellent source of fuel). Jordan Dixon, a psychotherapist who works a lot with couples, says: “I have met many people who become more creative when in relationships so I feel that this is not a one-size-fits-all approach.”

That said, it can happen, and when it does, Dixon says, there’s no need to resent ourselves. Instead, she suggests redefining what creativity or ambition really means to you. “We may be forming new creative interests in a more shared experience v individualistic,” she says. “This could look like exploring things together, holidays, adventures, galleries, restaurants, cooking and, of course, if we are having sex then this can be a creative activity. It may just mean that we could be investing and putting more time in coming up with creative ideas for the couple versus ourselves.”

But why does it happen at all? Why is it that my urge to create or work on something for hours at a time often dissolves at the sight of my partner? Dixon says that there can be plenty of reasons for this, but that attachment style can play a big part in how much we prioritise a relationship. Those who lean avoidant, for example, might disappear into work. “For [those] who may exhibit an anxious attachment style, this can mean they are more likely to have a propensity in getting lost in the other. They may hyperfocus on meeting their partner’s needs, abandon themselves and leave their own creative passions behind as a result.”

Dixon warns against prioritising your relationship above all else. “Many of us in society are faced with romantic relationships being the ultimate success and goal in life,” she says. “This stems from sources such as religion, which filter through to family, culture and government policies and then get reinforced in media, films and music. This can mean that for those who find themselves in happy and healthy relationships, other things may become less of a priority.”

In essence, watering your favourite flowers might be all you want to do right now, but it’s worth making a real effort to tend to the other parts of your garden too. Then you can watch the whole thing bloom.

Does being in a happy relationship kill creativity?