The Handmaid’s Tale star has said that she keeps the Hallmark app on her phone so that she’s never more than a few taps away from watching a Christmas movie. Now, she’s hinted that her next project could be a silly seasonal romcom.
Elisabeth Moss spends her professional life on television and in film beset by patriarchal societies with abusive rituals, terrifying ex boyfriends who are literally haunting her, and crippling substance abuse.
No wonder, then, that her personal pop culture tastes run kinda cheesy. In a new interview with Vulture, the actor has revealed that her guiltiest of pleasures is watching Hallmark Christmas movies on her phone.
“[I downloaded the app] for Christmas last year because I needed a way to watch Hallmark Christmas movies,” she said. “I needed a way to access all my Christmas movies because I love Hallmark Christmas movies and I watch as many of them as possible.”
Hallmark Christmas movies, for the uninitiated, are a very specific strain of gloriously illogical romantic comedy. You thought that Netflix’s A Knight Before Christmas, in which Vanessa Hudgens falls in love with a medieval squire who has time-travelled to modern day America, was wild? You found the plot of Netflix’s The Princess Switch, in which Hudgens – again! – plays a small-town baker who finds herself in the royal kingdom of, er, Belgravia where she swaps lives with her regal Duchess lookalike, kind of ridiculous?
Well, Hallmark’s Christmas movies would say ‘Hold my spiced, saccharine mulled wine’ to that!
Here are a few plots of Hallmark Christmas movies. One, called A Carol Christmas, is about an exacting and difficult talk show host, played by Tori Spelling, who is visited by three ghosts who attempt to show her the true meaning of the festive season. Yes, this is an adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol! Yes, Tori Spelling’s character is called Carol! (Geddit?) Yes, this movie stars William freakin’ Shatner as one of the ghosts who wants to educate Carol about being kind!
Santa Jr is the tale of Chris Kringle II, the wayward bad boy son of everyone’s favourite jolly, present-delivering patriarch, who spends the festive season in court after he is busted trespassing in his father’s workshop on Christmas eve. Naturally, these legal troubles help Kringle to understand the importance of the silly season and encourage him to embrace his family’s storied, joy-spreading legacy.
What about A Boyfriend For Christmas, in which a 13-year-old’s Christmas wish for a boyfriend is granted 20 years later, when, on 25 December, a handsome stranger knocks on her door claiming to be a gift from Santa Claus himself. Excuse me, what?
Or there’s my personal favourite, Fir Crazy, about a buttoned-up career woman – when are they ever anything but? – who doesn’t have time for anything as frivolous as Christmas. Forced to go home for the holidays to run her family’s Christmas tree consortium (!!!!), she comes up against both business disaster (a crotchety landlord attempting to close the cosy, family-run company down) and a charming customer who, you know, decks the halls of her heart.
My point is that these Hallmark Christmas movies are truly, completely untethered from reality – and I say that with the fondest affection. The Hallmark Christmas movies I love must have truly wild places, and these fit the bill.
Moss loves them too, she told Vulture, adding that one day she’d love to star in a Hallmark Christmas movie of her own.
“I’m into it, I want to do it,” she said. “People who write should definitely write one for me.”
Moss has even thought about what storyline those merchants of sap that call themselves the Hallmark Chanel could use for the plot of her hypothetical film.
“I’d be a shop-owner, and there’d be a Christmas tree farmer, you know, I’d hate him at first,” she ventured, before her musings turned dark. “In my Hallmark movie, I’d probably end up losing the baby somewhere. There’d be a lot of mascara, and then I’d stab someone.”
Honestly, sounds good.
Images: Getty, Netflix