I got addicted to editing my photos. The more I did it, the less appealing my real self became. It was like a never-ending dark hole. I wouldn’t post a photo unless I’d edited it on Facetune. It was a weird feeling; I’d gained a lot of followers on social media and I was getting a lot of attention, so these dopamine hits made me feel good. But on the other hand, I knew deep down that it wasn’t real, which made me feel embarrassed and ashamed.

If I was out with friends or my boyfriend at the time and they took a photo of me, I’d look at it, freak out and make them delete it. Or if I was tagged in a photo, I would untag it and make sure there was no trace so that people wouldn’t know what I really looked like.

Eventually, I realised there was no amount of work I could do on my physical appearance that would make me feel confident and worthy. Around that time, I had an intense breakup, which was also a catalyst for me to look within myself and face my traumas and insecurities head-on. I slowly weaned myself off of editing my photos and started to realise that it wasn’t doing anything for me. I looked into self-love, mindset and meditation. I also did a year-long no-make-up challenge and banned myself from using filters. I spoke up about it on my Instagram and heard other people’s stories, which helped me to not feel so much shame around it. At first, I was worried about posting unedited photos. I definitely got less validation than when I was posting Facetuned photos, but I learned to be happy with it – it felt more fulfilling knowing it was real.

“I wasn't happy until I looked like an Instagram model”: what Facetune addiction really looks like