The festival that never was

I paid £150 to a family ‘friend’ for a very last minute Leeds Festival ticket in a moment of FOMO desperation. I turned up on my own, hoping to join my then-boyfriend and friends on the other side, only to be told it was a fake ticket. I watched while they headed back in, sobbed all the way on the bus home and could hear the music from my back garden over the rest of the very lonely weekend. POOR ME.

An unexpected guest

There’s no eloquent way to say this, but… I went to a music festival in Brussels once and a guy unzipped the door of my tent at 3am and peed in the corner. It lasted MINUTES but I didn’t want to interrupt him in case he got startled and caused an even bigger mess… definitely a low point.

A happy ever-after… for one

When festival romances go right, they result in magical memories that you end up regaling your friends with for years to come. When they go wrong… you end up snogging a tennis instructor from West London, who bores you with stories about how he’s been ‘finding himself’ in South America.

Unfortunately, I was gone enough on the festival spirit to drag him back to my tent before suddenly realising I’d made a horrible mistake and did not actually want to fornicate with this man. Sadly, he was still in the mood.

And that is how I ended up trying to sleep while my unlucky non-quest desperately masturbated into a condom beside my immobile form.

Yes, he continued to text me for the next eight months talking about our ‘connection’, before I accidentally forwarded a screenshot of his messages and a rude comment… to him. Oops!

15 festival horror stories guaranteed to give you glamping nightmares