The Aisle-Seater

Defining characteristics: only ever sits in an aisle seat, in the belief that other commuters are too stupid to ask them to move, instead forcing people to clamber over them to sit down.

What it says: You’re all idiots and I don’t like to share.

Passive coping mechanism: make a real point of kicking them and dramatically tripping over, in order to reach the empty window seat. Then apologise profusely.

The Manspreader

Defining characteristics: legs spread so wide it’s almost 180 degrees, often at the expense of women cowering next to them just to fit in.

What it says: I’ve got ginormous testicles and I am full of manly testosterone.

Passive coping mechanism: Slowly spread your legs against theirs, pushing back in a subtle enough manner that other commuters don’t notice. If the manspreader is decent, they will move and apologise. If not: game on.

Photos: iStock

The passive aggressive guide to surviving a hellish commute