The night is dark and full of spoilers, everybody. If you haven’t watched the first episode of Game of Thrones season eight yet, now is your chance to save yourself from learning more than you wish to know. Otherwise: read on.

Fathers rarely figure well on Game of Thrones.

Who has a good one? The Stark kids, maybe, but then Ned Stark was always too damn honourable for his own good. If only he had been willing to get down into the gutter, maybe he might have escaped King’s Landing with his head on his shoulders and none of the ensuing war for the Iron Throne would have happened. But then Game of Thrones would be a pretty boring show.

Let’s take stock of the television series’ roster of bad fathers. There’s Tywin Lannister, who treats his children like livestock to be traded. Robert Baratheon fathered so many bastards he couldn’t keep track of them. Balon Greyjoy disowned Theon for having a moral code. Walder Frey is a misogynistic creep. Roose Bolton is the root of all evil. And the less said about awful Craster the better.

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