We first stepped inside the Great British Bake Off back in 2010, and, since then, we’ve been obsessed with the cosy baking show.
From the moment each new season of the show airs in September, we’re hooked, shunning dinner invites to spend out nights dunking biscuits into a cuppa in front of the television.
After all, who needs to go out and socialise when you can enjoy some good-spirited and wholesome fun with Mary Berry, Paul Hollywood, Sue Perkins, and Mel Giedroyc?
Adorable, yes – but a gross misrepresentation.
Because, as it turns out, things aren’t quite as inoffensive as we first assumed on GBBO.
While we had Bake Off pegged as the rich tea biscuit of our television schedules, the show is actually just as decadently naughty as a black forest gateau.
That’s right; we’re talking about the sexual innuendos – and there’s no denying that they are truly the icing on the metaphorical cake.
Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed the countless references to ‘deep penetration’, ‘cracks’, and ‘carpet munching’ (yes, really). And we’re willing to bet that, just like us, you’ve giggled childishly over Mary Berry’s wide-eyed innocence as she reprimands contestants for their ‘soggy bottoms’ time and time again.
Which is why we’re all so obsessed with the new No Context Bake Off on Twitter.
As you may have guessed from the handle, the account has taken a look back at Bake Off’s most eyebrow-raising moments, and stripped away all the context.
We’ve rounded up 10 of our favourite posts for your perusal.
1) “I’ll eat a bit of carpet” – Mel Giedroyc
2) “Can you come and grab my jugs please?” – Candice Brown
3) “Do you need a pair of warm hands – either on your bag, or on you?” – Mel Giedroyc
4) “I think your sister tastes lovely” – Paul Hollywood
5) “We’ve had a problem with finishing before, haven’t we?” – Mary Berry
6) “It feels very naughty, and I’m enjoying every mouthful” – Mary Berry
7) “Stop nozzling the princesses” – Mel Giedroyc
8) “Time to reveal your cracks” – Sue Perkins
9) “It’s beautifully moist” – Mary Berry
10) “The drizzle won’t penetrate deep enough” – Lee Banfield
We’re used to Paul, Mary, Sue, and Mel dishing out the smut, but we’re shocked at Lee - he’s a vicar, you know.
So, yes, the Twitter account has opened our eyes to a far filthier version of the Great British Bake Off than we’re used to – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
After all, they do say that laughter aids the digestion.
Roll on the next batch of soggy bottoms…
The BBC’s Great British Bake Off airs on Wednesday evenings at 8pm.