Louis Theroux, Russell Howard, Ovie Soko and the aptly-named Jenny Eclair were the first contestants to compete in the new Great British Bake Off Stand Up To Cancer celebrity special. Here’s what happened in the tent… (warning: lots of spoilers ahead).
From a showering of swear words in the tent to watery custard and a pair of choux boobs, the first episode of The Great British Bake Off charity special was full of laughs and dramas. Here are 33 thoughts I had while watching this year’s first charity episode of the nation’s favourite baking show.
2. Oh Sandi, please change your mind about leaving the show. What will Noel do without you?
3. Wait, what? A celebrity actually passes out and gets medical help in an upcoming episode? Yeeesh, things must be tense this year.
4. “No thrusting in the kitchen” should be printed on a sign.
5. An hour and a half to make a giant decorative biscuit? That’s way too easy.
6. I take that back, Jenny has broken her sieve 20 seconds in.
7. A few minutes later and it looks like the cookie has already crumbled for Jenny and her Frida Kahlo biscuit.
8. Memo for Paul: Please leave the jokes to Sandi. Thank you.
9. Well at least Ovie gets 10/10 for effort. Unfortunately, that is definitely not what matters in this competition.
10. Wait, Jenny’s biscuit is… really good.
11. Surely it’s not Hollywood handshake good? She couldn’t even sieve some flour a moment ago?
12. Well now she’s fuming over Louis’s THREE handshakes.
13. The things I would do for a Gregg’s vanilla slice right now.
14. Hang on, is Jenny the dark horse here?
15. C’mon Ovie, get it together – I can’t handle the idea of your legs shaking in front of the judges again.
16. And Louis is the first to swear in the tent!
17. It is breaking my heart that these are some of the last moments we have with Sandi and Noel together.
18. Why is watching Louis cook strangely therapeutic?
19. Can confirm that Russell’s custard is definitely not set (mmmm, watery custard).
20. Oh lord, they’re not even going to taste Russell’s pastry – the ultimate burn, but also fair enough.
21. Oh god, is Ovie going to cry? Way harsh comments there.
22. Go Jenny! I do not believe that this is a baking fluke for the Eclair.
23. Listen to Louis: support Stand Up To Cancer.
24. Emily was an incredibly cool and brave woman to share her story with us. You can find out how to support cancer research here.
25. Ah, nipples – the innuendos have started.
26. Russell is obsessed with his dog.
27. Topless swimming with pigs, anyone?
28. Erm, what are those noises coming from Jenny?
29. Everybody is bloody swearing! Calm down, guys.
30. Must admit, the backstories to these choux sculptures are very convincing.
31. “Louis on a Lido” is surely the title of his new documentary?
32. Jenny’s choux boobs win the Bake Off as far as I’m concerned.
33. Well of course Jenny had to win! And not just because of the choux boobs. And yes, Louis most definitely came second.
Images: Channel 4