“We’re each the trampoline upon which the other one bounces.” The greatest quotes from GBBO’s Sue and Mel

Posted by
Sejal Kapadia Pocha

2016, you haven't been kind to us. We've lost idols, the EU and now... Sue and Mel. 

Yesterday, the witty duo announced that they will be leaving The Great British Bake-Off when it moves from BBC to Channel 4 next year. 

Of course, true to their form, the pair served up a great big pun to explain their departure.

“We're not going with the dough,” they said, making reference to the fact that Channel 4 outbid the show's home channel.

Since the programme launched in 2010, Sue and Mel have brightened up our screens with their loveable banter, ever-so-cheeky innuendos and clear-cut friendship (they’ve known each other for 27 years). They're undoubtedly one of the best presenting duos on British television.

While we process the news of their withdrawal from future GBBOs, we look to Sue and Mel's wit from past seasons for some light relief...

They know just how important cake is.

Sue: “I’ve got a real treat for you. Tasty, beautiful, unmistakably French…”
Mel: “Is it Thierry Henry?”
Sue: “No, he’s still safe in my basement. It’s Patisserie Week.”

Mel: “Today is very exciting. It’s the thing I love most in the world.”
Sue: “Guinea pigs?”
Mel: “No, chocolate.”

Mel: `”Life is like a bowl of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
Sue: “Chocolate?”

Sue: “Four bakers are fighting for their lives…is that too dramatic?
Mel: “It’s never too dramatic. It’s cakes, biscuits and desserts we’re talking about”  

They have a no-holds-barred policy to describe a bake...

Mary: “Why shouldn’t a bun be round?”
Mel: “My buns are round. Always.”

Sue: “Get those ladyfingers soggy”

Sue: “You can’t keep a tart waiting. Time is money, time is money”

Sue: “Stand away from your hot baps, stand away.”

Sue: “You have two hours to achieve ultimate moistness”

Mel to Mary Berry: “You like your nuts chunky”

Sue: “They’re sort of the page 3 of drizzle”

Mel: “Keep an eye on your jugs”

Sue: ”Stop touching your dough balls"

Sue on Tamal’s bake: “Messy top, tidy bottom.”

Sue: “Underlay, underlay - as a Mexican carpet-fitter once said.”

Sue Perkins and Mel, GBBO

...of course, until a little censorship arrived.
Sue: “Good morning, bakers. The following signature challenge has been assessed by the Double Entendre Police and I’m delighted to inform you that Paul and Mary would love you to make cream horns. And there’s nothing fun to say about that whatsoever.”

They offered essential cooking tips and advice.

Mel: “When Madonna makes cream horns, she simply uses her bra. If you’ve got one of those conical bras, you can do that.”

Sue (on crème brûlée): “Finally, a signature challenge where it’s OK to burn the living hell out of something.”

Sue (on crème brûlée): “What wobble are you looking for? A Kim Kardashian? A Jessica Rabbit?” 

Sue (on a piece of dough fallen on the floor): “Do you know what, I’ll eat that later. I don’t even joke. Listen (folds in half) - pasty.”

Sue: “I always serve gin and tonic with just a little bit of regret.”


And they were very nice about telling contestants to hurry up.

Mel: “Bakers you’ve got an hour until we want to hear the pitta patter of tiny breads coming up to the table.”

Sue: “OK bakers, just two minutes until we release the man-gorilla that is Paul Hollywood.”

Mel: “OK bakers, string up the bunting. This bun ting is over.”

Sue: “OK bakers, 15 minutes until your ganache hits my ga-nashers.”

Sue and Mel GBBO

But the best is when they're talking about each other...

Interviewer Eva Wiseman: How has the show affected your friendship?
Mel: “Friends before work.”
Sue: “Absolute pure love.”
Mel: “I really look forward to hanging about and titting around.”

Sue: “I wouldn’t do [the show] without Mel, because we’re each the trampoline upon which the other one bounces. You can’t just have a Sue sandwich, it has to be a Mel and Sue sandwich. It gives you more depth of bite.”

Images: BBC/Great British Bake-Off