“I’ve stopped feeling guilty for moving on”

“It’s coming up to a decade since the death of a close friend to suicide. What I’ve learned in that time is that it does become easier to live without them. It’s no longer days between thoughts of them, but weeks and months. At first, any sign that I was forgetting him (such as regaining my appetite or no longer howling myself to sleep) equated to me not grieving properly or not loving him enough. But now, with the clarity of hindsight, I’ve stopped feeling guilty for moving on.

In the pub a few years ago – six years older than he would ever be – my friend and I tried to place him in our lives as though he never left. Neither of us cried. In fact, it was a nice exercise – forging out a space for him, dissecting what clothes he would wear, what haircut he would sport. I wish I had known it in that terrible time just after he died, that there was a way to live with my grief. That I would drink with it at the pub one day in the future.”

Alanna Duffield, London

“Strength, patience and healing”

“My losses have taught me all about strength, patience and healing. That includes the loss of my babies and my grandfather. It has taught me that bitterness only creates more pain and life does not stop. Grief teaches me the art of gratitude and self-care. That asking for help is OK. We all heal in our own time. That our days are a rollercoaster of emotions.”

Ceese Kaur, Birmingham

“Forgive and let go”

“In 2007, my cousin, who I was very close to, was killed. This grief has taught me to forgive and to let go of things I can’t control.”

Laura Gomez, London

Coping with grief: 14 women explain what loss has taught them about life and love