Picture this: your friend invites you to a Christmas party she’s throwing at her house. You’ve dressed up, booked a taxi and picked up some Superbon Chips de Madrid and a bottle of Roc Ambulle as a festive gift. Hearing Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You, you walk into the party, hug your friend, and then watch on as she has to run off to fulfil her hosting duties and you realise that you don’t know anyone else here.

What to do? Do you walk up to the group of people by the Christmas tree and try to join in with their conversation? Or maybe start chatting to the next person to arrive? Anything to avoid the nightmare scenario where you’re stuck in an awkward and uncomfortable silence with a stranger, right?

The art of good conversation can be a tricky thing to navigate at the best of times, but when you’re in a situation with total strangers or work acquaintances – as is often the case during Christmas party season – it can be nerve-racking. My pulse begins to race and my palms go all sweaty when a social scenario requires me to talk to people I don’t know very well or haven’t met before.

Making conversation isn’t a skill that we’re born with; it’s an art we have to work on. For many, fear of judgment or a lack of confidence means talking to strangers can be a struggle, while anxiety, which 37.1% of women reported experiencing high levels of over the past year according to the Office for National Statistics, can also impact our ability to feel comfortable in a social setting.

“Approaching unfamiliar people can trigger a fear response as a survival mechanism,” explains Joanna Konstantopoulou, founder of Health Psychology Clinic. “We’re all also afraid of possible rejection or being made to feel small. This is especially true of people who have experienced this in the past or those who are low in self-confidence.”

In the run-up to December’s frenzy of festive gatherings full of distant friends, little-known acquaintances and flat-out strangers, we’ve asked three experts for their top tips on how to have a conversation with anyone, no matter how socially anxious that may make us. From how to strike up a chat with someone you don’t know very well at the family Christmas soirée to conversation topics to cover with your colleagues at office drinks, we’ve got you covered.

Start a conversation with a compliment

The trickiest thing about being in a room full of strangers is often knowing how to start a conversation. “Conversation starters can include compliments, observations or questions about shared surroundings,” says Konstantopoulou. “It’s probably best to avoid controversial topics, excessive self-disclosure or dominating the conversation when you first meet someone. Persevere by being persistent yet respectful. But if the person just isn’t reciprocating, gracefully exit the conversation.”

Konstantopoulou also says it’s best to steer clear of complimenting someone’s physical attributes. Instead focus on an aspect of their appearance that they’ve chosen, such as their outfit. “Who doesn’t enjoy being complimented on their outfit, whether it’s their dress, shoes or perfume? Keep to only one aspect though to avoid the appearance of gushing. You’ll normally find it leads to the other person being only too happy to share a story about the item being complimented, which can then trigger a discussion and sharing of information and experiences.”

Ask the other person about themselves

Counselling Directory member Karen Schumann says that if you don’t feel comfortable talking about yourself, a helpful way to strike up a conversation is to ask the other person about themselves. “Some people love to talk about themselves, especially if they have an interesting job. Listening to them can help build rapport and you may discover you have some similar interests.”

Schumann also says you could ask them about their connection to any mutual friends, weekends plans or bring your surroundings into it and ask the other person about an activity or event going on nearby. “If you’re at an event, talk about the event; ask them if they’re enjoying it, if they’ve been before or if they have a favourite speaker. If there’s an activity going on nearby, talk about it. Do they like it?” In short, it’s about looking for prompts around you that can lead to further conversation.

Don’t be afraid of being unoriginal

Viv Groskop, comedian and author of the bestseller How To Own The Room: Women And The Art Of Brilliant Speaking, says talking to a stranger is one of those moments when you can engage in those typically small talk topics: “It’s unavoidable, so embrace it. Talk about the weather, holiday travel or the festive season. Ask if someone has Netflix recommendations – it can all help to start a conversation.”

Initially, you may worry this could make you seem dull to the other person but these types of questions can serve as a bridge to more in-depth conversations. “If you find yourself saying, ‘I’m not the biggest fan of these events; I never know what to talk about…’ that can help start a conversation too. You can always think of your role as being a really great listener or a great observer: you don’t have to pretend to be the life and soul of the party if that’s just not you,” adds Groskop. So, maybe chatting about summer holiday plans is the way to go.

Have a good story up your sleeve

Schumann recommends having a good story that you regularly share on hand as it’ll “make you appear relaxed when talking to someone you don’t know and feel more confident”. If it’s a particularly funny holiday memory or the story of how you met your mutual friend or colleague, it can be reassuring to have something prepped just in case. And the key to appearing confident? “Give good eye contact and watch your posture – stand up tall and put your shoulders back. Try to speak slowly and clearly and be curious and attentive to what the other person is saying.”

Think about how you can gift others with confidence

We tend to spend so much time focusing on ourselves, especially when we’re feeling awkward or nervous. Instead of thinking about yourself, however, Groskop says that focusing on the other person can ease some of this tension and anxiety.

“Worry less about how you can appear confident and think more about how you can gift others with it. How can you make other people feel like they are interesting and ‘enough’? How can you involve more people in the conversation? Regarding others as your ‘project’ (making them feel at home, and comfortable, getting them a drink and smiling at them) can be the easiest and most satisfying way to lose your nerves in these new settings,” says Groskop.

If you feel too overwhelmed, have an exit plan

Sometimes the situation is overwhelming – and that’s OK. Schumann highlights that it’s perfectly fine to take a break or leave a conversation if it’s not going well. “Take some nice deep breaths before you head into a social situation. It might be helpful to have an ‘exit plan’ too – a way of leaving the conversation politely if you’re starting to feel too anxious or overwhelmed.” She explains you can leave by excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, saying you need to rush off to an appointment or another social engagement or nipping out to take a phone call.

Psyching yourself up to go to a party where you only know one or two people causes most of us to break out into a sheen of sweat. It’s normal. One thing, however, that I’m certain will make the experience a whole lot easier is walking into a festive party armed with conversation starters around favourite comfort TV shows so that I’m not stuck scrolling on my phone until my friend is free to talk again. Oh, and not being afraid to say I’m nipping to the loo if the chat starts to drag.

6 expert tips on how to have a conversation with anyone