Take regular breaks

First of all try and get as much space for yourself as possible, even if it’s five minutes out in the garden, walking round the block or in the loo. Breathe in for four through your nose and out for eight through your mouth for about a minute.

Find a word that helps you to relax a little. I find saying something like “ease” to myself works well for me.

Aim for acceptance

See if you can create a sense of space and acceptance around the behaviour or attitude that you are finding difficult. Everyone believes things because of assumptions they are making, some of which are untrue and limiting, but we don’t always realise this.

If you have time, perhaps saying something like, “I can see that this is very important to you, can you say a little more about why?” and then just listen without any sense that you want them to change. When people sense acceptance, they sometimes drop the ante a little.

Though it’s difficult, the key is trying to create as little resistance as possible, because the more you push back the tighter other people will hold onto the opinions you are finding tricky. It can be liberating to drop the assumption that you have to change how they are.

And finally…

Try a technique called mirroring, says Karin Peeters, coach and psychotherapist at Vitalis Coaching:

When somebody says something that triggers you, you can either repeat what they say with kindness, for example, “so you’re saying it’s a terrible thing, this political situation” (to your father who has the opposite view on Brexit compared to you), or “you think I should not have done that” (to your elder sister who always seems to criticise your decisions). Don’t react, just let them have their opinion. There’s no need to defend yourself, or convince someone else to see things your way.

Another way to use mirroring is to reflect back how you imagine they feel, for example, “you seem passionate/upset/caring about this” (when someone rants about the economy or house prices) or “it’s a lot, isn’t it, having to cook for so many people” (to your mother who is complaining, passively asking for sympathy).

Just breathe and let others have their own emotions, just like you are entitled to yours.

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