Over the course of each experiment, they found that “people systematically underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company”, and that the liking gap “persisted in conversations of varying lengths and even lasted for several months, as college dorm mates developed new relationships”. They came to the (heartening) conclusion that after people have conversations, they are liked more than they know.

If you’re prone to second-guessing new friendships and assuming that other people are thinking the worst, learning about the ‘liking gap’ can be liberating. “Finding out that this was a thing that wasn’t just in my head felt pretty good,” says Rebecca, who adds that it has helped her feel more confident when it comes to meeting new people. The key, suggests Ellera, is not to get too hung up about the small details (even if you do accidentally end up blurting out something a bit cringe). “We all want to make a good first impression, but don’t overanalyse and evaluate the situation. Remember, the reality is, many of us tend to underestimate how much people like us.”

The liking gap: why your friends like you way more than you think