Closed listening

Closed or defensive listening is where you’re not really listening at all, and it’s closely related to distorted listening.

“With closed listening, you’re actually just waiting to get your next point across, irrespective of what the other party has said to you,” explains Devonish. “Seen in the initial stages of mediation or conflict resolution work, this type of listening is often preceded by the words ‘yes, but’. Neurologically, the ‘but’ tends to cancel out whatever has been said in the first place.”

Distracted listening

Here’s one for all the busy parents: your child knows you’re not really listening if you’re mumbling “uh-huh” while busying doing something else (no judgment here – we’ve all done this).

“This kind of distracted listening is also the way we sometimes listen to people speaking. Perhaps we’re engaged in another activity or just not that interested!” says Devonish. “In this case, we won’t hear everything that’s said and may miss meaning or even important information. For the person speaking, this can make them feel undervalued, misunderstood or plain ignored.”

There are 7 different listening styles – here’s what they are and when they’re useful