Lucy Mangan looks back on 2017 and says what we’re all thinking

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Lucy Mangan

Stylist’s Lucy Mangan looks back on best and worst bits of 2017.

It’s my final column of the year; time to pull on the Spanx, slip into something sequinned and pour the prosecco – I recommend into pint mugs – as the curtain again rises on the traditional Mangan Annual Awards for Various Things.

1. Best News 

Not a crowded field, this one. The greatest comfort to be had was that we couldn’t lose David Bowie and Victoria Wood in the same year again. But! It is also the year I discovered pink robins exist – Google them now – and that baby porcupines are called ‘porcupettes’. This is all I have, darlings, along with the news that there’s a nap bar opening in London called Pop & Rest, which means we can sleep throughmore of 2018 than first hoped.

2. Worst News

Hahahahahahaha. Just Google ‘pink robins’ again.

3. Best Tweet Of The Year 

I’ll say this for a world turning to molten sh*t – it occasionally makes for pithily good responses. 

A bronze medal for comedian @katewillett’s comment in the immediate aftermath of the Weinstein story: “Call me old-fashioned, but I want a man who will protect me like I’m the reputation of a guy he’s never met.” 

Silver goes to @remybug38’s “Because he’s a Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS #WhyBritsDontWantTrump”. 

Gold belongs to writer @paraicodonnell for his contribution to the hashtag #WriteAHappyStoryin4Words: “Bad dream, Madam President?”

4. Most Endlessly Creepy Revelation Not Directly Involving US Senators Banned From Malls For Pestering Underage Girls Or Life-Size Robots Doing Backflips As A Clear Prelude to Taking Over The World 

Drake collects Birkin bags to give to his future wife.

5. Best And Worst TV

The Handmaid’s Tale. Best for the programme, worst for having to watch it with male family/friends, and a chasm in understanding of the world opening up between you as they remained unmoved because it did not register as the truth-told slant that it did for you.

6. Best Quote  

From Danica Roem, the first openly transgender person elected to the US legislature, on how she felt about beating Republican opponent Bob Marshall, who had held his seat for 25 years and refused to debate with her or refer to her as a woman. “I don’t attack my constituents,” she commented. “Bob is my constituent now.”

7. Most Potent Facts To Keep In Mind As We Head Into 2018  

If there were 100 people on Earth, one of them would have 50% of all the money, 56 would have no internet access, 14 would be illiterate and 13 would have no clean water.

I’ve finished my first pint of prosecco while writing this, and am looking forward to the New Year when I’m also currently certain we’ll see all industries purged of the sexual harassers and abusers who have enjoyed free rein for generations, their roles filled by the women whose careers they reduced, thwarted or ended – deliberately or otherwise. 

Stephen Hawking et al are going to win their crowdfunded case against Jeremy Hunt to prevent him privatising the NHS, and the government will U-turn on its murderous policy of not letting women use housing benefit to pay for refuge accommodation. Meanwhile, this column’s fee is going to Women’s Aid and Refuge.

See you in 2018. Merry Christmas to you all.