2. Face up to your fears and party anyway

If you are at all prone to anxiety, guilt, obsessional thoughts or any of the other methods by which our highly inventive minds cripple many of us, you’ll know they’re prone to hit at 4am. As the booze leaves your system, it is replaced by fear. What did I say? Did I gossip too much? Act too daft? Hurt anyone’s feelings? Flirt with someone I shouldn’t flirt with? Should I just vow never to go out again rather than be visited by all these queasy self-doubts and cold, cold sweats?

No. None of the above happened – and if it did, it’s OK. Really. You’re human. Take stock again in the sober light of day, consume Coke and a fry-up, and I promise you it will all be fine.

In future, remember the rule of the late ‘Prince of Soho’, Bernie Katz, the nonpareil of party people: “Nothing good happens after 2am”, a truth that should be stamped on every condom in the land.

Lucy Mangan's essential guide to surviving Christmas