“Bizarre” invitation prompts heated debate on wedding etiquette

Posted by
Amy Swales

A happy couple has riled up the internet by adding two unusual requests to their ‘save the date’ card.

Wedding etiquette is a tricky business: as much as we are strong advocates for throwing any perceived rule book out of the window when it comes to your nuptials, it’s inevitable that there will be strong opinions whatever you choose to do.

Now one couple’s ‘save the date’ card – the initial invitation that asks guests to reserve a date in the diary before the finer details are finalised – has prompted a discussion online, thanks to its unusual requests.

Specifically, according to a Mumsnet user, the couple have asked that guests reserve “a few different dates” they’re considering – dates a mere three months away.

And not only that, reports the poster – who writes under BlueButTrue and says the card came from their cousin – but they’ve also mused on possible colour schemes for guests to adhere to.

They write: “She’s put a few different dates down, not evening explaining why etc etc. Just begins with ‘Here are our dates we’re considering. Put those plans on hold! All our love, xyz.’”

The post, flagged up by MailOnline, adds: “Furthermore, she’s ended it with ‘Top hint: Keep colour schemes orange/white or maybe pink in mind’

“Yes, that’s right. She said maybe.

“AIBU [am I being unreasaonble] to say this is very odd?!”

The vagueness of the requests, and the fact the possible dates don’t give guests much time to plan, prompted strong responses from the Mumsnet community, with one user asking, “What fresh hell is this?” and others branding the bride-to-be a “self-absorbed loon” and a “weirdo”.

Others were less vehement, pointing out it was a bit inconvenient to ask guests to reserve several dates and a “bizarre” thing to do.

However, one user said they thought it was an indication of good planning: “Aw she sounds excited and wants to make sure you can come. What’s the problem?

“Weddings are a big deal to organise and surely it’s better to forewarn the important guests of how it’s going? She’ll let you know which date when it’s settled and that won’t be long now if it’s for Feb […] If it means a lot to you to be there then you can pencil in the dates.”

Would you find the colour scheme request unreasonable?

Meanwhile, there were plenty of musings on whether the wording of the “hint” on colours actually meant guests should prepare to wear those shades or the bride was simply excited about revealing the theme of the wedding itself.

In reality, we imagine that the request won’t make much of a difference to the day: people will either save all the dates or save none until they get the actual invitation.

What we’re not as sure on is being asked to wear a specific colour when not in the wedding party, but each to their own (and hey: we all know it could be worse…).

Images: Luis Tosta / Tom Pumford

This article was originally published in November 2017.


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Amy Swales

Amy Swales is a freelance writer who likes to eat, drink and talk about her dog. She will continue to plunder her own life and the lives of her loved ones for material in the name of comedy, catharsis and getting pictures of her dog on the internet.

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