Twitter user Lisette Pylant has set the internet on fire with her true tale of f**kboys and the sisterhood.
Taking to the social media site, Pylant explained that her friends had tried to set her up with a man (who remains anonymous) on her birthday. They arranged to meet at the bar where their mutual friend works – but, 45 minutes into their date, another woman showed up.
Yup, he (easier if we assign him a name for the remainder of this article – Cretin,say?) had double-booked his dates. So, in a desperate bid to get out of the awkward situation, she says he attempted to pass off Pylant as his “friend”.
So 45 mins in his next date shows up because he double books himslef and he decides he's going to friendzone me to get out of the situation— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
Pylant played along with the act – until Cretin deemed it safe to go to the toilet.
I decide to play the friend in order to help the girl feel less awkward until he exits for a moment and then I tell her what's up— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
We'll call this girl katie - katie gets in on my quest to make this guy feel like the fucjboy he clearly is and we chat for 30 mins— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
She and the second woman quickly saw the funny side of the situation and decided to rake Cretin over the coals for his behaviour – something that, at this stage, could still be written off as a genuine mistake that turned into a lie when he panicked. But then things got worse, because that’s when Cretin’s third date of the evening – Riley – walked in.
The two girls and I have now gotten both bartenders and the bouncer in on this and are taking this guy for all he's worth over here— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
He's now explaining why he broke up with his ex and Riley asked if he also met her on a "group date" 😂— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
Pylant and her new friends soon decided that they far preferred one another’s company to the man who’d triple-booked them (go figure) and ditched him, heading out to dinner together at a nearby bar.
And, y’know, they thought it was all over. One guy, three girls = a great anecdote about dating in the modern world.
Except it wasn’t over, according to Pylant. Far from it, in fact:
The two girls and I decided to be best friends, left together to go get drinks and dinner at another bar and left homeboy with the bill 👌🏽— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 7, 2017
JK ITS NOT OVER! The bartender just texted us to tell us homeboy is on another date so I sent my friend over to retrieve his 8pm date— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
By this point, the entire internet was hooked on unfolding story – so you can imagine how excited everyone was when a fifth date showed up to meet with Cretin.
You guys girl number FIVE just showed up BEFORE going to meet him because my friends intercepted her and told her not to waste her time— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
HE TOLD DATE NUMBER 5 THAT SHE WAS ALREADY CUT AND TO SAY HI TO ME AT THE BAR WHEN SHE I VITED HIM TO COME DRINK WITH US— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
Five dates. Cretin managed to score five dates in one night. There’s obviously no rule against keeping your options open, but we’re struggling to understand why he thought he could book them all in back-to-back with apparently barely a breath between?
Well, because he’s a “project manager”, apparently. And he likes to “manage his time efficiently”.
Read more: Do you have dating burnout?
Pylant actually bumped into Cretin later that evening and challenged him over his rather warped dating etiquette.
“He tried to say he was looking for love and his future wife,” she writes. “These ‘weren’t dates’ they were apparently ‘pre-date conversations’.”
Went outside to make a call and ran into him leaving #5. He then tells me I'm the only one he wants to get to know still but that I should— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
Tell him if he should just fuck off. I tell him there's a difference between being efficient and being an asshole and he goes into "well im— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
"...A project manager, I manage my time efficiently." And I say there's no way to know someone in 40 mins of you have 5 dates lined up— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
He tried to say he was looking for love and his future wife. These "weren't dates" they were apparently "pre-date conversations"— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
Cretin apparently hastily added that he doesn’t even use dating apps, as if that were somehow relevant to the situation.
But, despite this being yet another example of a hugely over-inflated male ego, there is a happy ending to this story.
Except, of course, this wasn’t the end. It’s never the end for Cretin. Because this fab foursome decided to head back to the restaurant and do a little digging – and, yeah, Cretin was on DATE NUMBER SIX.
He finally realized he wasn't winning and just walked out. #6 and her mom and aunt are now our new best friends— Lisette Pylant (@LisettePylant) August 8, 2017
Obviously, Pylant and her new squad convinced Lucky Lady Number Six to join their winning team – leaving Cretin with (finally) zero romantic prospects and themselves with an awesome new group of friends to hang out with.
All hail the sisterhood. We genuinely can’t wait for this viral tale to be turned into the film it so clearly deserves to be.