The first round ripped the walls off the box of who I thought I was. Public humiliation begins to describe the feeling. I just put one foot out, rocked that hip like I saw in the video, and kept going. But during the second round, the third round, I got into it. I got used to it.

I probably still looked stupid as hell. I have one picture where a girl behind me has her jaw dropped, as you might if someone’s boob popped out, if someone were embarrassing herself. But I also have another photo where I look sublimely delighted. I have video, which no one will ever, ever see. Looking at these pictures, I’m so grateful I never have to do that again, and I’m so grateful I did it once.

In her speech, Rhimes talks about how saying yes brought her the “hum of life”. It was a hum she used to think she got from work. But she finally figured out that “the hum is joy-specific. The real hum is love-specific. The hum is the electricity that comes from being excited by life.”

Saying yes brought me the joy of ending up somewhere I would have otherwise never let myself go.

“The spectrum of all that might happen is more vast than I ever expected”

I had my no years too. After my dad died when I was 17, for a long while all I said was no. I’m still terrified of all those horrible surprises life can throw at you, but I know on a deeper level that the most profound tragedy would be to go through life without leaving room for the wonderful ones.

If I can find myself, my big, clumsy, just-want-to-read self, dancing down a street under lights in South America, the spectrum of all that might happen is more vast than I ever expected before. My official years of saying yes are over, but they opened me up to saying yes more often since, to not box myself in to my known roles.

I will never dance in a parade again. In fact, I hate parades. But sometimes, in my kitchen, after a glance to make sure the curtains are drawn, I let myself put one foot forward and rock that hip out, and as I stir my pasta I do that little dance I learned that one time I was a dancer. I giggle to myself at my memories, and feel that hum of excitement about what life might bring next if I just keep saying yes to its possibilities.

Images: Paulette Perhach / Rex Features

“This is what happened when I spent two years saying yes” How one woman discovered the hum of life