When my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist I initially refused to go. I felt like a freak. I thought I must be really nuts, and a complete basket case, if I had to see a psychiatrist. I was in denial – there wasn’t anything wrong with me, I told myself. I’m superwoman! I can get over anything!

But when they sent me a second letter, I decided to go in. I was really paranoid someone would see me and had to be taken downstairs to an empty room. But the psychiatrist was brilliant. ‘How would you feel if you had diabetes or asthma?’ he asked, which reassured me this was just another illness, and one that a lot of people had. I have so much to thank him for.

But I was scared the postnatal depression would come back if I had another baby and I knew I couldn’t go through that again. During my final bout of depression I was talking to someone on the phone when suddenly it felt like there was a claw sticking into my cheek. It gave me such a fright and I was terrified I would develop psychosis. Luckily it didn’t happen again, and I didn’t have postnatal depression after the birth of my second daughter.

I think it’s important to reach out to people when you’re suffering from postnatal depression. I remember asking my psychiatrist if there were other women I could talk to, and he said they wouldn’t be open about it.

I think people can think you’re failing as a mother if you have postnatal depression. That’s why I started documenting my experiences in a blog, which I hope can help others.

I know it’s not a cheerful thing to talk about, but we should never be ashamed of having depression.

My advice to mums suffering from post natal depression

Reach out to people – you need a lot of support. If you had any other form of illness you wouldn’t expect to just go along and get over it.
See a counsellor – they can help you to get everything out of your system.
Try meditation – I meditated with nurses for 40 minutes every week and I found that my head would be OK during that time.
You will get time to yourself – your children will get older and things will get easier.
Do not be ashamed – it’s easy to think, ‘I couldn’t get postnatal depression, I’m strong. That’s a weak thing.’ But it’s not weakness, it’s a serious illness.

If you, or anyone you know, needs advice on postnatal depression, visit the NHS website here or Mind’s website here.

Main image: iStock

“It's not a weakness, it's an illness”: two mothers share their experiences of postnatal depression