Life

Women explain why they never want to get married

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Kayleigh Dray
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Marriage has been an institution for centuries, but it definitely isn’t for everyone.

Despite this, many women still feel pressured by society to “put a ring on it” - and a lot of this comes down to the way we were raised as children.

Rashida Jones, who stole our hearts as Ann Perkins in Parks & Recreation, previously explained to The Guardian that women are made to feel as if marriage is the only way for a woman to “succeed” in life.

Speaking about her childhood views on matrimony, she said: "I had the full princess fantasy: the white horse, the whole being saved from my life, which is ridiculous. What do I want to be saved from? My life's great!”

Rashida continued: "But it's just this weird thing that's been hammered into my head culturally: that's the only way to succeed, that's the only thing that counts for a woman.

"I'm happy, but the fact that I'm not married and don't have kids – it's taken me a long time to get to a place where I actually am OK with that, where I actually don't feel like I'm some sort of loser."

However, it goes without saying that women are absolutely not losers if they do not marry – and now various women have taken to Whisper, the anonymous confession-sharing app, to cut through the bulls**t and the £150 wedding cake.

Here’s why they have decided that marriage is definitely not for them…

I don't want to get married because I'll never trust a man that much.
I never want to be married. I've screwed around with too many married men to believe in it anymore.
I secretly don't want to get married because I like my last name too much.
I don't want to get married because I don't want to share my bed
I don't want to get married because I can't have children. I know my husband would, sooner or later want to start a family.
I don't want to get married because I don't want the attention. I'm very shy.
I don't want to get married because I am ashamed and embarrassed by my family. The idea of my boyfriends perfect family meeting mine is just terrifying
I don't want to get married because I don't want to have kids. I don't want kids because I don't want to get divorced. Both my parents have been divorced multiple times...no thanks
I don't want to get married because I feel like my boyfriend will use our marriage to control me.
I hate the idea of  marriage. I want to  devote my life to my career. That doesn't  make me antisocial  or a bitch.

While it’s worth pointing out that marriage can be a great ‘next step’ for many couples, it's an apt reminder that it  isn’t the pinnacle of achievement in a woman’s life.

Yes, some studies have found that the institution is positively correlated with our wellbeing, but this isn’t always the case; happiness is circumstantial and depends on you as an individual.

Bella M. DePaulo, PhD, social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, told WebMD

"It's this idea that you can be single, have your big career and all your friends, but that's not the route to happiness, it's not deep or meaningful like marriage is. That's ridiculous. The best friendships often last longer than marriages ... you don't have ridiculous expectations of your friends like you do a spouse."

She added that those studies which suggest married women have a higher sense of wellbeing than singletons tend to find that marriage only brings on a “tiny blip” of happiness during the brief time closest to the marriage ceremony.

"But on average, afterwards, people go back to way they were before. The researcher's perspective is that we each have a baseline of happiness, and marriage on average isn't going to change that -- except for that little blip," she said.

Images: Whisper, iStock

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Kayleigh Dray

Kayleigh Dray is editor of Stylist.co.uk, where she chases after rogue apostrophes and specialises in films, comic books, feminism and television. On a weekend, you can usually find her drinking copious amounts of tea and playing boardgames with her friends. 

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