Mickey Two Suits, Staring Pervert and Flat Cap Coke Fiend: London pub’s list of barred customers is a book waiting to be written

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Amy Swales

As anyone who has ever worked in a bar or pub knows, there are some people it’s just not worth serving.

And, as this colourful list from London pub Half Moon illustrates, often you need rather, well, descriptive shorthand so all staff know who’s allowed in and who to go all Peggy Mitchell on and turf out without ceremony.

In this case, that includes Mickey Two Suits, Staring Pervert and Flat Cap Coke Fiend, not to mention The Glaswegian, Fat Paul and, er, Gus and his mate Mark.

What One-Armed Keith and That Blonde Bitch did to offend, we can only speculate, but there’s always hope someone will make use of these incredible characters in a book, or – as a few people have pointed out – send them Guy Ritchie’s way for a ready-made Lahndahner flick.

Singer Rumer shared the barred list on Twitter while discussing the future of the grade II-listed pub in Herne Hill, which was closed in 2013 after a flood and is now due to be reopened by Fuller, Smith & Turner plc.

As a well-known live music venue, the pub played host to big names over the years, including Frank Sinatra, Eric Clapton and U2, Now locals are protesting plans to turn the live music space into a restaurant area.

Saying live music was not “economically viable”, the brewery said in a statement on its website: “In order to pay back the investment needed to get the pub open, and the day-to-day running costs, we need to increase the food trade […]

“We need to invest in a new kitchen – and due to the historic nature of the building, that can only go in the former Billiard Room, latterly used for live bands.”

Singer La Roux told the Evening Standard newspaper that the pub launched her career and called the property developers behind the new incarnation “aggressive”.

She said: “Seven thousand people signed a petition calling for music to return to the Half Moon but you have to wonder whether they can make a difference because of how aggressive the property developers are.

“The pub is the centre of Herne Hill. The building is old and beautiful and has been an important place to many young musicians across south London […] If the developers want to make a success of the pub going forward then they need to listen to local people. People do feel strongly about it.”

The planning application was posted on Twitter this week.

That aside, we’d very much like to know what pub this lot have been getting kicked out of since 2013…

half moon herne hill flooded 2013 london pub

The pub was flooded in 2013

Images: Rex Features / @rumersongs


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Amy Swales

Amy Swales is a freelance writer who likes to eat, drink and talk about her dog. She will continue to plunder her own life and the lives of her loved ones for material in the name of comedy, catharsis and getting pictures of her dog on the internet.

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