1. People say things without thinking

"I blurt things out without thinking about how the other person might receive the feedback," says Markway. Life is one big game of improvisation, so it's very easy to make a random remark that we don't really mean.

2. People don’t know what kind of feedback you want

We know when we want someone to compliment our work, rather than critique it - but the person we're talking to has no idea. And they can't know what kind of response we want unless we tell them.

3. People don’t know your triggers

We all have our own minefield of hang-ups - we might not like the shape of our nose, or feel sensitive about the fact that we never finished our degree. People usually aren't aware of these insecurities, and can easily end up accidentally trampling on them with a flippant remark or joke.

4. People have other things on their mind

People aren't really thinking about the "hurtful" remark when they make it. They're thinking about them; the presentation they have that morning, whether or not they've had a chance to wash their hair, an odd remark someone else made to them. They may not have the time or head space at that moment to take account of your point of view.

5. People have their own stories

According to Markway, "Sometimes people say things and we have no idea why. For example, if someone says something hurtful to you at work, you don’t know if they just had an argument with their teenage daughter, or if they can’t pay their utility bill. We take things personally, but really, it might not have anything to do with us."

6. We let people hurt our feelings

"No one really hurts our feelings," says Markway. "It’s the way we interpret the situation that results in our feelings being hurt or not. I’m reminded of the famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'"

Why the people we like hurt our feelings, and how to remove the sting