There’s nothing like a good wedding story, from the speech that made you cry to the one where the best man forgot his own brother’s name. Comedian and TV presenter Rufus Hound, currently in cinemas in new film The Wedding Video, tells us his best betrothal stories.

What’s the worst behaviour you’ve seen at a wedding?

I once watched a very nervous father of the bride try to keep his speech on track whilst his own brother heckled him. It wasn’t good to watch. Then we ate the first course and no one could see the brother. The father had taken him outside and knocked him spark out and left him drapped over a golf buggy. Kind of heroic really.

The absolute worst wedding I’ve ever been to was one where everyone at the wedding knew the groom was having an affair. Everyone including the bride. The best man had been changed at the last minute because the first best man had been trying to crack on to the woman the groom was having an affair with and the groom has hit him. Awful, really awful.

What are the five things you should never do at a wedding?

Help yourself to cake before it’s been cut. Neither should you heckle the speech givers, we’re British, we’re not good at being really nice and heartfelt in public. Cut the speech-makers some slack. Don’t remain sober: it’s perfectly reasonable, if not necessary, to get completely obliterated. In a similar vein, don’t refuse to dance. You should start the day looking your best and end it with your jacket in a crumpled heap in the corner, laughing. And never, ever say the bride looks healthy. I didn’t realise it was a synonym for fat until I’d said it to a bride.

Any tales of bad bridesmaids?

I always enjoy the bridesmaid who not-so-secretly thinks it’s all about her. She’ll be flapping around and making a big drama, saying the bride is panicking about something. Nine times out of ten the bride is absolutely fine and the bridesmaid is over-playing her role. She’s usually not married.

Have you ever been to a wedding where you’ve slept with a member of the wedding party?

I did sleep with a bridesmaid when I was a best man. I had been going out with her for a few months though.

What’s been your best wedding guest experience?

My best mate, Steve had three best men of which I was one. We all had different roles and mine was conducting the ceremony. They decided that the legal bit wasn’t the most important, that their wedding was more about announcing everything in front of their friends and family. So they did the legally binding bit and then we all went to Switzerland and I married them in front of the Matterhorn. It was really special.

Are you married?

Yes, with two kids. My wife and I got married in Las Vegas after knowing one another for four months. I just knew she was the right person and, fortunately, she felt the same about me. It’s the best decision I have ever made.

“Never say the bride looks healthy”: Rufus Hound’s guide to weddings