In a dominatrix’s email account, there are the regular Google Drive notifications everyone gets, but there are also emails from people who are looking for kink sessions or a custom clip. Custom clips are a popular part of online sex work: a sex worker creates a custom film for a client based on their specific desires, and they pay for the privilege of getting a film that’s made just for them. For example, you might email to say: I’m looking for fetish clip, and I want your toenails to be painted red and I want you to be wearing pink shorts and you talk about how smelly your feet are. That would be a fairly standard custom request. But these requests can also be incredibly niche. Four years in, I don’t blink twice at most of the messages I see, but occasionally I’m still taken aback by how specific some of these messages are. People request the most unexpected things.

I never go in with judgment, but it’s fair to say that I never would have thought that somebody could get off to some of the requests I’ve seen before I started this job. Once I became more involved in the industry, I realised there is something different for every kind of desire you can imagine. Whatever you’re into, you can almost guarantee there will be events, websites, people and communities offering a place to explore it. Did you know there’s a monthly meet-up for men who like to wear diapers? I didn’t know that existed before I started this job. But I find it fascinating to think about how different people’s desires are and where they might have come from.

People are often surprised by my career background. I went to university for EU translation (a career path that was largely taken off the table after Brexit), then worked in the charity sector briefly before starting this career. I can confidently say I’d never go back to my old job. Don’t get me wrong, there are times of stress like in every job, but sex workers are incredible clients to work with. They pay my invoices on time (I bill on an hourly basis and currently earn about £30,000 a year). Every client I’ve had has offered to pay me more because they’re earning more because of my help. I think, because they’ve often been treated poorly, they understand what it is to be a good boss. There may not be a template for this job, but it’s one I intend to keep doing for as long as I can.

“I’m a PA for sex workers. From titling adult videos to scheduling dominatrix sessions, this is what my job has taught me about desire”