I was queuing for the changing rooms recently, contemplating the dead-eyed friends/spouses/relatives (delete as applicable) waiting outside of them and wondering what they were being punished for, when I was handed a large plastic number seven.

That number seven tells us everything we need to know about changing rooms. It insinuates that the experience will be so euphoric I will leave with a whole new wardrobe. And it also hints at the reality – that I’m about to put on, and take off, seven different tops before I head home empty handed.

Of course, the only alternative to trying things on in a shop, I realised when I saw a friend schlepping to the Post Office recently, her arms full of returns, is to have everything delivered. But we all know that that surplus of packaging isn’t good for the turtles. So here are my top tips to wake up from the nightmare that is the average changing room experience…

“An ode to the nightmare of trying on clothes in changing rooms”