Picture this: it’s Thursday night, you haven’t touched a vegetable all week, it’s been so long since you last did laundry that there’s a pile so tall it threatens to topple any second, and you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair. You’re in dire need of a night in.

But three weeks ago, you said you’d meet up with a girl from your old work. Cancelling is off the table: yesterday, she said she was “really looking forward” to your after-work drinks, and you haven’t seen her for two months, after all. You’re feeling pretty torn. On the one hand, you really don’t have the mental or physical energy to haul yourself out for another night, but on the other hand, the guilt that will inevitably come from cancelling means you probably won’t get much done but feel sorry for yourself, anyway.

Then, a text comes in from your old work friend. “I’m so sorry to do this, but” it starts. She’s cancelling. A feeling of relief sweeps over you.

If the situation described above feels extremely relatable, you’re not alone – according to a recent YouGov survey of over 2400 adults, a third of us often find ourselves feeling relieved when a friend cancels on us. And that number increases when we divide responses by gender: 40% of women report feeling relieved “very” or “fairly” often when a friend cancels, compared to just 25% of men.

While that number is still a minority, it’s interesting to consider why so many of us are experiencing such feelings of relief when a friend cancels on us. After all, isn’t meeting up with a friend supposed to be an enjoyable experience?

Social burnout: do you often feel relieved when a friend cancels plans? You’re not alone