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Stashing is the terrible dating trend no one asked for

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Susan Devaney
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Stashing is the not-so-new dating trend that you might recognise from one of TV’s most iconic shows.

You’ve heard of – and maybe even been a victim of – ghosting, but there’s an equally dreadful dating term been added to the vernacular and it’s not good.

Say hello to ‘stashing’.

For the past few years we’ve all familiarised ourselves with the concept of ‘ghosting’. You know the one, you’ve been a few dates together, he’s met some of your friends and you message each other all the time, and then out of nowhere you never hear from them again (like, did they fall off the edge of a cliff!?).

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If you thought that was bad, then ‘stashing’, a term coined by the Metro, is even bleaker. But what does it mean?

We’ll set the scene for you: you’ve met someone online IRL, and things are going pretty well. They’ve met your family, friends and even some of your work colleagues – and everyone’s gotten along just fine.

And yet… well, you’ve not been introduced to a single person from their life. Not one.

And it doesn’t stop there: they’ll share a snap of the dinner you guys shared on Instagram – but they won’t tag you in it. They’ll take to Facebook and check themselves into that cool, new bar you guys are hanging out in – but you’re not ‘with’ them. And they’ll phone their best friend to talk about their day – but your name is never mentioned.

If any of that sounds remotely familiar, then we have news for you: you’re being stashed. 

It’s not exactly a ‘new’ concept: in fact, Sex and the City’Carrie thought she was being ‘stashed’ by Big way back in the very first season of the show. She’d told her friends about him, but his didn’t even seem to know her name. In fact, she soon realised that she’d never actually met any of his friends, and that he didn’t seem to care about meeting hers.

It all came to a head when she bumped into Big and his mother at their Sunday church service – and learned that her boyfriend’s mum knew zero about her.

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It was enough to give Carrie pause for thought and, just about to leave on her vacation with Big, she asked him to tell her something that could give her more faith in their future. 

“Tell me I’m The One,” she pleaded.

But Big, more concerned with missing the flight, failed to do so – and Carrie, finally realising his priorities were very different to hers, called time on their relationship (for a little while, at least).

In short, ‘stashing’ isn’t a new concept – but we do finally have a name for the dating trend that leaves people’s self-worth in tatters.

Our advice? If you think your date is stashing you, then make like first season-Carrie and ditch them, pronto. You’re worthy of so much more.

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Susan Devaney

Susan Devaney is a digital journalist for Stylist.co.uk, writing about fashion, beauty, travel, feminism, and everything else in-between.

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