As the Queen prepares to turn 90, we ask three nonagenarians for the lessons learnt from their rich and accomplished lives

Words: Lauren Libbert and Zoe Beaty

Diana Armfield (pictured above), 95, artist and member of the Royal Academy of Arts, lives in Kew, London, with her husband, Bernard Dunstan, a fellow artist of the RA. She has three children and two grandchildren

Money isn’t as important as you think. Don’t worry about it. Try to have enough, but don’t set out to get lots because there’s just no need, enough is ‘enough’.

Look after yourself. Physical ageing is difficult. It’s a permanent preoccupation at this age, to stay as well as we can. It’s important to look after yourself whatever your age, because you don’t want to inflict your health worries on other people. I do the exercises I’m told to for precisely this reason, but it’s not easy – it’s so boring!

Don’t question happiness when you find it. Pursue the things that interest you, and take time to get to know yourself. Establish your career and get your name known in your field before marriage or children if that’s what you decide to do. I’d already made a name for myself before I married Bernard, so I kept my maiden name professionally. Once we married, certain people only knew me as Bernard’s wife – they didn’t know I was Diana Armfield!

Not everything needs to be ‘perfect’ in life. Anxiety has always been a big problem for me. I’ve always panicked that unless I put 110% into things, they won’t work out. I used to worry constantly about ‘getting it right’, and it’s only now that I’m older I’ve realised things naturally tend to work out for the best. If you’re a worrier like me, it’s imperative to communicate your anxieties to your friends and family – they can almost always help.

Don’t rush important decisions. I felt Bernard was right for me almost immediately, but during the war years we spent time apart – and that was a good thing. I never forgot him, nor he me, but meeting other people made us evaluate what we really felt for each other. I wasn’t nearly as happy with the others but being with them confirmed that he was the person I was truly in love with.

Take up crafting (if you don’t already!). Up until 25 years ago, I was still sewing clothes for myself and my family. I was always making things – I think I could have been a craftsperson if I weren’t a painter. It’s not just about saving money, making things is good for your health, one of the most nourishing things you can do. It’s about coordinating the fine motor skills of your hands with your eyes, which makes it a great way of developing your mind, whatever your age.

Give your relationship room to breathe. Marriage is about compromise – and not treading on each other’s toes. Bernard and I have always had lots of interests separate to each other, and enjoyed meeting people. What’s lovely is to come back and enjoy sharing your experiences. Communication is crucial to a relationship, both physically and mentally.

Make the most of every day. Growing old is annoying because you need to ‘rest’ throughout the day. It means the day isn’t long enough to do all you want to do – so make the most of the uninterrupted days of youth while you can!

Academicians In Focus: Bernard Dunstan RA And Diana Armfield RA is at the Royal Academy of Arts, London until 24 April

The age of enlightenment: three nonagenarians share invaluable life lessons