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The Stylist Christmas cracker roadtest

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Stylist Team
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From champagne to balloon animals, we put the contents of eight crackers through their paces to ensure your Christmas dinner goes off with a bang

Moët et Chandon Brut Imperial Champagne Christmas Cracker 

What’s inside? Moët Brut Imperial (200ml).
How loud when pulled? You can’t pull the actual cracker, but there’s a mini version inside which has an ear-splitting 91 decibels.
Quality of the crown: 7/10
Best joke? No jokes but there are Moët-related multiple-choice trivia questions.
£15.99 each, selfridges.com

Toast Crackers

What’s inside? Various chic gifts, but Stylist’s favourite is the jasmine flower tea bomb.
How loud when pulled? 95 decibels.
Quality of the crown: 5/10 – the gold paper crowns are more style over substance.
Best joke? “How did the farmer fix her dungarees? With a cabbage patch.”
£35 for six, toa.st/uk

Ridley’s Balloon Modelling Crackers

What’s inside? Each cracker contains five balloons, eye stickers and instructions on how to create balloon animals, as well as a joke.
How loud when pulled? 90 decibels.
Quality of the crown: 2/10
Best joke? “What cheese do you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.”
£25 for six, johnlewis.com

Nails Inc Festive Cracker Collection

What’s inside? A full-size, best-selling Nails Inc polish, including our pick, the silver glitter polish called Winter Mews. How loud when pulled? 79 decibels.
Quality of the crown: No crown. Bah humbug.
Best joke? No jokes, but there are funny festive quotes on the packaging – a good substitute.
£38 for six, nailsinc.com

Fortnum & Mason

What’s inside? A ceramic egg cup, trinket box and napkin rings by British artist Rory Dobner.
How loud when pulled? 94 decibels.
Quality of the crown: 10/10 – fit for royalty.
Best joke? “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.”
£350 for six, fortnumandmason.com

Jo Malone Christmas Cracker 

What’s inside? A miniature Blackberry & Bay Cologne, Lime, Basil & Mandarin Body Wash and Peony & Blush Suede Body Crème.
How loud when pulled? 70 decibels.
Quality of the crown: No crown…
Best joke? No joke either.
£32 each, jomalone.co.uk

Harrods of London Cocktail Party Christmas Crackers

What’s inside? Silver-plated trinkets such as a compact mirror, money clip and bottle opener.
How loud when pulled? 97 decibels.
Quality of crown: 10/10
Best joke? “Why did the oyster leave the party early? Because he pulled a mussel.”
£99.95 for six, harrods.com

Hotel Chocolat table cracker

What’s inside? Three festive chocolates – the caramel chocolate Christmas tree is the best.
How loud when pulled? 90 decibels.
Quality of crown: 8/10
Best joke? “What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis.”
£5 each, hotelchocolat.com

Words: Georgie Lane-Godfrey

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