The one that will make your inner awkward teenager cringe

“I was a bridesmaid for my cousin around age 16 and, months before the wedding, I had this awful bright pink, strapless dress fitted whilst I was wearing a normal thin t-shirt bra. On the day of the wedding, though, I only had a strapless bra that was a bit more supported than the one I was fitted with… and it was noticeably bright blue and covered in love hearts.

I got to the church but literally couldn’t breath as the dress was SO tight around my chest. I managed to get my mum’s attention on the way to the reception, and she ran over to the top table and undid the bra and slipped it off into her handbag, somewhat unnoticed, and went and sat down at her table. The groom during his speech was talking about all the people that couldn’t be with us that day and everyone started to get quite emotional, during this time a small bored child walking around noticed the bra slightly hanging out of mum’s handbag, grabbed it and ran, waving it in the air above his head.

As you can imagine, my mum hadn’t noticed as she was fully tuned in and listening to the groom, and like most guests, shedding a tear. People then started to notice the child and at that point my desperate waving and pointing to get my mum’s attention went completely unnoticed UNITL the child started shouting ‘ooooooh I’ve got a booby bra!!!’ and running away from all the wedding guests trying to chase him and laughing hysterically.

Of course, all the wedding guests all thought it was hilarious… apart from the grannies, that is. They did not find it funny, especially as the only explanation my mum could give (so she didn’t look like a weirdo with a bright blue bra in her bag) was to tell everyone it was mine, the bridesmaid.

16 year old me has genuinely never got over the embarrassment…”

The one with the misogynist speech

“I was at a wedding where the father of the groom gave a drunken speech and made a joke about sex before marriage and how there was no way the bride was ‘pure.’ EW.”

The one where we toasted with wheatgrass laced green smoothies

“I went to a dry wedding once which is a mistake that I’ll never repeat again. It’s not that I am reliant on alcohol in all social circumstances but, you know, it doesn’t hurt, does it?

Anyway, the wedding was dry, something that wasn’t communicated to the guests beforehand. And it wasn’t dry for a valid religious reason, it was dry because the bride doesn’t like to drink so she felt that since it was her big day no one else should either. I think this is coming off as a bit bitter, but did I mention the wedding was dry?

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop of booze to drink. Some clever, enterprising friends of the bride and groom from school had smuggled in alcohol in hip flasks wedged inside their tiny clutch bags, but alas I was not sat on their table. I was over with the bride’s work friends feeling stupid for not thinking of sneaking in my own tipple.

Then came the toast. Rejoice! Finally, we’d get a glass of bubbles to celebrate the happy couple.

’Please make your way over the smoothie bar,’ the bride said benevolently. ‘We have an assortment of green vegetables and wheatgrass for you to make a smoothie for our special toast.’

What can I say? The year was 2011 and wheatgrass was having a moment. Do you know what wheatgrass tastes like? Especially in a green smoothie used to toast a bride and groom? Despair. That’s what it tastes like.”

12 wedding guest horror stories that will make you want to never RSVP to an invite again