You may have seen the name ‘Dan Rochkind’ popping up in your Twitter feed a lot over the past few days –and, naturally, you’ll have wondered why everybody is so obsessed with the 40-something businessman from New York City.
Well, as it turns out, Rochkind firmly pushed himself into the social media spotlight when he decided to make an important public service announcement.
Are you ready for this? Rochkind is 100% done with dating “hot” women.
That’s right: while he has absolutely no problem snagging the “most beautiful women” in New York City (thanks to his self-dubbed “muscular build and full head of hair), Rochkind found himself “dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation”.
The poor lamb went on to explain that he’s finally managed to shake off all the “swimsuit models” and “high-maintenance hotties” clamouring for his attention – and, nowadays, he’s happily engaged to a “merely beautiful woman”.
“[She] is a softer beauty, someone you can take home and cuddle with, and she’s very elegant,” he told The New York Post. “And she’s 5-foot-2, so she can’t be a runway model, but I think she’s really beautiful and is prettier than anyone I’ve dated.”
Unsurprisingly, the article (originally published on 12 April) has garnered a fair bit of attention on social media – and the Twitter reactions have been absolutely on point.
There was confusion:
"“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper West Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair."— Tania Maddox Buell (@T_MaddoxBuell) April 13, 2017
Okay balding, double chinned, guy in his mid 40's.. thanks for telling us why you won't date hot women anymore🙄— ロリロンドン (@Lorrilondon) April 13, 2017
There was the odd nod to President Donald Trump:
There was outrage on behalf of humankind:
this is the most nonsense article I've wasted time reading.."he’s happier now that he’s engaged to a merely beautiful woman" ARE YOU KIDDING— Elana Bodow (@esbodow) April 13, 2017
Why feed the fire and allow such a ghastly and shallow article to be published— C. J. L. (@sparkignited2) April 13, 2017
There was concern for Rochkind’s “merely beautiful” fiancé:
What. On. Earth.— jordan (@JordanUhl) April 13, 2017
Who says that? Imagine how awkward his pillow talk must be: "I'm so glad you're not a 10!"
"It's so nice that you're just beautiful and not, like, swimsuit model gorgeous, like the women I used to date!"— Jayelle the Unqualified Lesbian (@GreenEyedLilo) April 13, 2017
And there were a lot of jokes about Rochkind’s ‘full head of hair’:
But, best of all, the article sparked a wave of hilarious confessions from the men and women of the Twitterverse.
This is EXACTLY the same reason I decided to stop dating Bradley Cooper 🙄— Tory Banknell (@ToryBanknell) April 13, 2017
You've empowered me to break things off with Jason Momoa— Brooke Binkowski (@brooklynmarie) April 13, 2017
I'm too gay and married to declare that I'm not going to date Chris Pine anymore— Daniel Summers (@WFKARS) April 13, 2017
I took a deep breath and finally got the nerve to tell young Alan Rickman that it just isn't going to work out.— Erin Blakemore (@heroinebook) April 13, 2017
"Why I didn't date Selma Hyack in 2004: She didn't know I existed."— 2 Balls And A Strike (@FakeArtCritic) April 13, 2017
In case you were wondering, Carly Spindel – a professional matchmaker and none other than Rochkind’s “merely beautiful” fiancé herself – has since penned a follow-up piece for The New York Post defending her client/partner from the backlash.
“He’s not a jerk,” she writes, before going on to insist that Rochkind is an “amazing person” and that “there are more women in this world than men, so single guys have more choices than women do”.
She adds that Rochkind thinks she’s “gorgeous, put-together, and smart”, explaining: “Beauty comes from within – if a woman is confident, knows her worth, has nice skin and pretty hair and takes care of herself – that’s what’s important.”
Hmm. Well, we’re willing to admit it when we make a mistake – and we were certainly wrong when it comes to this couple.
Because, judging by their comments, it seems as if Rochkind and Spindel really are the perfect match after all.