“Embarrassment often stems from nervousness and a sense of vulnerability,” says psychosexual therapist Janice Hiller, who works at the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships in London. “That can be especially true in the case of a casual encounter or a new relationship, when it can feel like there’s more pressure to ‘perform.’”

While safe, no-strings-attached sex is totally fine, it’s true that it’s certainly more difficult to laugh off accidentally head-butting someone if you don’t even know their middle name. But even in longer-term relationships, embarrassment can quickly kill the mood.

My friend Ella (not her real name) still screws her eyes tight shut with horror when she recalls the time she farted while having sex with her boyfriend. “I felt like I’d betrayed myself,” she says. “Rationally, I know it’s ridiculous, because I’m not a sex doll or a porn star; I’m a human being. It’s not like my boyfriend even cared – he just laughed. But I felt bizarrely angry with myself for not being able to maintain this sexy-sexy façade.” She gives a hollow laugh.

It’s not difficult to identify why we feel such pressure to maintain that “sexy-sexy façade”, as Ella puts it. Thanks to the way that sex tends to be portrayed in movies, TV shows and porn, most of us have a very clear idea of how sex “should” be before we’ve ever had it. I remember vividly my sense of impending doom, aged 16, when a male friend informed me that most boys our age had learned everything they knew about sex from watching porn. How, I fretted, would I ever be able to live up to that?

The answer, of course, is that I couldn’t, and I can’t, and that’s fine. Because real sex is very rarely like the sex you see in porn, or in Hollywood rom-coms, or in a Zayn Malik video. It’s not always slick and steamy and stumble-free. It should be fun, but it can also be a bit of a flop - and that in itself can be really fucking funny.

“If it’s a healthy relationship, you should be able to laugh about embarrassing situations with your sexual partner,” says Hiller.

And if you can’t? You know what – you probably shouldn’t be having sex with them anyway.

Image: Unsplash

“Why do we find it so difficult to laugh off awkward sexual experiences?”