A woman has posted a brilliant advert online for her wedding dress which is in “excellent condition – unlike her marriage”.
Most people get married in the hope that they’ve found their ideal match and that The Big Day will only happen once in their lifetime. But, as we all know, the fairytale outcome often doesn’t come true.
Which is why one woman in New Zealand, who goes by the username of Emma_Matts, is making the most of her break up by auctioning off her previously worn wedding dress - with a brilliantly comical twist.
Posting a picture of her dress to Trade Me, she describes it as being in “excellent condition – unlike her marriage and is pretty much brand new, having been worn only for the ‘practice run’ wedding back in 2013”.
The advert, entitled Wedding dress – worn once by mistake, reads:
“This stunning off-white gown would fit a 12-16 as it has a lace up back so very versatile it comes with a certificate of authenticity, and I have personally hand-washed the bad luck out of it!
“More than welcome to come try on and give it a twirl to make sure it fits and suits you.”
The listing, which has already surpassed its $300 AUD (about £175) selling price, continues:
“Cannot provide measurements as this was custom made for a little girl who thought she deserved less than what she was worth and she is now a strong woman – cannot measure up.”
The woman goes on to guarantee that it’ll look “stunning on”. So much so that it’ll be “enough so that it will distract you and your guests from the fact that you are marrying a compulsive liar”.
Made from white chiffon in an A-line cut with side ruffles, the woman continues to joke that the dress could just be worn for fun: “Also great evening wear if you enjoy a night out and want people to buy you drinks or would be an excellent outfit choice for house cleaning and dishes (if Disney roleplay is your thing).”
At the time of writing, the auction has attracted 32 bids. With only a few days to go (the auction finishes on 16 January), the woman also welcomes other payment options including cash, a New Zealand bank deposit, wine and chocolate.
The advert concludes by offering to throw in her shoes too:
“Happy to also provide pictures of my shoes that I can chuck in for a good price. Those aren’t needed anymore either because I walked away with the feet I was born with and will keep moving forward with those (keeping the veil for the ‘out of toilet paper’ emergencies),” she writes. Good on you Emma-Matts, we salute you.
Images: Charisse Kenion / Trademe.co.nz