By this point, it wasn’t just me that hated my body. The culture had indoctrinated every single girl I knew. We spent our pocket money on skinny teas and Coke Zero, begged our parents for shapewear and gym memberships at Christmas. We skipped lunch and hung out in the changing rooms, eating apples. Some girls actually did end up in hospital, others I know still struggle with eating disorders now. I don’t think I saw the true insidiousness of it all until my body shape came back ‘in’ again with the rise of the Kardashians, when I was about 18. What struck me most was the cruelty of it: I’d spent my whole life trying to shrink myself, only to suddenly be told that how I looked was desirable.

Did I feel better then? Not really. The reality of my size had never actually been relevant: simply, I was a woman with a body, which meant that I had been taught to hate it. The more I hated it, the richer the industries who had fuelled my insecurities became. Of course at the time it didn’t feel like oppression; it felt like a personal quest to look and feel good for myself. Sometimes I still fall into those traps, but I’m working on becoming more alert. Meeting my body as it is, rather than always trying to change it, is a powerful form of resistance.

How do I meet my body as it is? The answer to this question shifts slightly every day, and I think that’s a part of it too. I live in a real body; inside me and all around me, changes are happening constantly. I can’t expect complete consistency in the way that I feel about myself, but I can recognise that growing up under patriarchy and capitalism is hard and sticky. I’m not at peace with my body now, and I doubt I’ll ever be, but here are the things that I do know: I have a body that works, that gave me my son, that eats, that loves, that moves. In acknowledging this, I realise how lucky I am, and I refuse to let shame be my default.

Send Nudes by Saba Sams (£14.99, Bloomsbury) is out now

“I grew up during the height of diet culture – of course I’m not at peace with my body”: author Saba Sams on resisting the urge to change her body