What professional help have you had?

When I was a teenager I had one session of CBT [cognitive behavioural therapy]. That was all they offered on the NHS and it was too expensive to pay for myself. Then, at about 26, when I had my little girl, I realised I wasn’t doing that well. I went to the doctor and within 10 minutes he’d given me pills. I took them and I felt nothing. Numb. When the kids did a nice painting at nursery, I felt nothing. When they fell over, nothing. I thought, ‘This can’t be good.’ I came off the medication even though the doctor said I shouldn’t and that’s when I discovered walking. I used to do around 7km every day because I felt so good afterwards. Walking means sleeping well and waking up fresh. It gives you time to iron out your thoughts.

So you learnt to trust your own mind…

I’ve spent my whole life not trusting myself. But when you give yourself the right tools you realise you’re the only person you can trust to look after yourself. I’m my own worst enemy, but I’m my own treatment too. For a long time I felt like the awkward, difficult teenager who was always moody. I hated being moody. When I came off the medication I realised that feeling nothing is far worse than feeling something. My biggest step was realising panic is a part of me and I have to accept it. It wasn’t easy: I had a panic attack last week – I was stressed thinking about everything I had going on – but that’s life. Now I deal with it a lot better.

Do you still walk a lot?

Me and the kids and my husband walk 5km a day. I’m slightly obsessive. If I don’t walk that 5km, I’ve got it in the back of my mind that I haven’t been able to do it and I’m thinking, ‘I’m going to have a bad day today.’ I’m obsessive about patterns. If I don’t do something that I do every day, I start panicking.

Are you strict with your schedule?

I think deadlines really help. When someone says, “You’ve got three months to get this done”, I think, ‘No, I’m going to power through and do it in two.’ I was deputy head girl, on the school council, head of the choir. I’ve always bitten off more than I can chew and I like that. It distracts me from my own thoughts.

The writer Carson McCullers, who struggled with her own mental health, once said, “Sometimes it feels like everyone is part of a we, except for me.” Do you feel like a “we”?

It can be really lonely. Someone said once, “Look after your strongest friend because you just don’t know what they’re going through.” I became really good at faking it. You don’t want people to know you’re weak and vulnerable. It’s difficult when you’re growing up in a family where everyone appears really confident, but I’ve got brothers and sisters who suffer with panic disorder too. And when you marry someone who is so confident and appears to have no issues whatsoever… Before we married, I didn’t tell my husband I suffered from panic disorder. I asked later, “Are you upset that I didn’t tell you?” He just said, “No, that’s who you are. And we deal with it together.” He is my we.

Nadiya Hussain reveals reality of living with debilitating panic attacks