Are you a man wanting to regulate abortion? There’s only one way to effectively do so.
Those 25 white men comprise the majority of the 35-seat Alabama senate, and it was their votes that allowed the draconian Heartbeat Bill, which forbids abortion even in the cases of incest and rape, to pass into law. Images of these 25 white men have circulated on social media, a chilling reminder of just how close we are to the world of Gilead and The Handmaid’s Tale, a world in which men believe that they have the power to regulate women’s bodies at will.
Now, a satirical group in Nebraska are looking to fight abortion reformers with a tongue-in-cheek campaign called ‘Boners Kill’. The organisation, known as Pro-Life Nebraska, describes themselves as a group that advocates for policies that “actually save lives” without “controlling the bodies of people with uteruses, killing them, or resulting in unwanted birth”.
And how are they going to do that? By reminding men that the only way to prevent abortion is to prevent irresponsible ejaculations. In short: men can prevent “100% of abortions”, as their pamphlet reads, by just not ejaculating in a vagina.
The pamphlet, which features a conversation between the organisation and a lovely chap named Biff, reminds male readers that though women do not need a penis in their vagina in order to be sexually gratified, and that a woman can orgasm whenever she likes without resulting in pregnancy. Which means, that yes, it is the “irresponsible” male orgasm that causes the latter.
“You can find pleasure with your lady friend in lots of ways that don’t involve launching sperm into her vagina,” the pamphlet reads. Some places men can ejaculate without fertilising an egg, the document adds, include mouths, hands, butts and boobs – with consent, naturally – and even Jell-O. (“May requite consent, depending on who owns the Jell-O,” the pamphlet reads.)
“What If I already ejaculated into a vagina?” Biff asks.
“Sorry,” the pamphlet replies. “Now it’s up to the person whose vagina you ejaculated into to decide whether to value her own life or priorities over gestating your seed. Next time, control your boner if you want to prevent abortion.”
Copies of the pamphlet have been distributed to the offices of all of Nebraska’s politicians and to people on the street, but its message has gone viral after being posted on Facebook.
The organisers of the pamphlet are hoping that its message will reach the lawmakers and prevent the Heartbeat Bill taking hold in the Nebraskan senate, as it has in at least six other US states thus far. First, those protesting abortion reform rallied outside the Nebraskan government in Lincoln. The pamphlets are the next step.
“How is it that folks concerned about abortion not only oppose thorough sex education but also put all the burden of unwanted pregnancy on people with uteruses,” the organisation’s website reads.
“If you don’t want your sex partner to be able to choose to have an abortion, stop ejaculating in vaginas. Ejaculate elsewhere or nip that erection in the bud. Save a life. Kill your boner.”