June came, June went and nothing was back to normal. I started to try to get in contact with the venue. Every call went straight to voicemail. Every email was left with no reply. Every comment on their social media pages was left unanswered. I think that’s when it dawned on me - my October wedding might actually be affected by the pandemic.

I slowly started to whittle down my guest list from 120 (which honestly is already quite small for a typical African wedding) to 30. Reality hit when I deducted both our immediate families, ourselves and essential vendors from the 30 person guestlist - we only had eight seats left.

Through everything, that’s been the most heartbreaking part - telling my closest friends, not only could they not be bridesmaids, but they couldn’t even be at the ceremony. I couldn’t bring myself to do it over the phone, so I tearfully wrote a WhatsApp message explaining the predicament. Thankfully, they all took it well, but the guilt still remains. I’m always torn when I think of these friends and find myself asking: “How much do I involve them? Does it sting for them just as much as it does for me?”

Planning a 30 guest wedding has been one of the most brutal things I’ve had to do. In the process I found myself questioning which family members I could cut from the guest list (turns out, no one) - placing close friends in preferential order and telling our siblings we might not be able to have our nieces and nephews present.

When someone who isn’t on our 30 person guest list asks me how wedding planning is coming along, I immediately feel saddened that they won’t be there. The celebration isn’t necessarily just about us, but also all our friends and family that have witnessed our journey over the years.

The heartbreaking reality of planning a wedding in lockdown