Being nominated for an award in one of the big Oscar categories is pretty cool. Firstly, there’s at least a one in five chance you’ll win. Secondly, even if you lose, you still get to have the words ‘Academy Award Nominee’ above your name on every film poster you appear on from here until eternity. And thirdly, you get given a really, really huge goodie bag.
A company called Distinctive Assets is in charge of the “swag bag” for all the nominees in the best actress, best actor, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, and best director categories. This year’s haul was reportedly worth between £80,500 ($100,000) and £160,000 (almost $199,000) – meaning that Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Meryl Streep, Ruth Negga, Michelle Williams et al could have headed home with a lot more than just precious memories on Sunday night.
Of course, whether the stars actually take said swag bags is another matter. Distinctive Assets isn’t officially affiliated with the Oscars (the Academy even sued last year to try and stop the company throwing random products at its nominees), and accepting the gifts could reportedly result in celebrities being hit with a massive tax bill.
Still, the bags’ contents offer a revealing – and random – look at what people think A-list celebrities will want on the biggest night of their lives, ranging from the small-but-useful (ChapStick) to the huge-and-awesome (luxury holidays).
Also included are some rather more, shall we say, niche products. It seems debatable whether Natalie Portman will delight in a package containing ‘cellulite massage mats’, hair loss serum and anti-sweat patches, but maybe she will! We, after all, do not know her life.
Scroll down to see a selection of the items included in the ‘Everyone Wins’ Oscar nominee gift bag.
Image: Rex Features
Fancy face cream
A pot of Lizora Pu-erh Tea Nourishing Cream is perfect for soothing that post-Vanity Fair Party skin, no?
Budget lip balm
Stars are given three tinted Chapsticks in Rose Petal, Merlot and Coral Blush, because you can never have enough.
A luxury holiday
Nominees are offered a vacation at the Koloa Landing Resort in Koloa, Hawaii...
Another luxury holiday
… And a three-day mansion break at the Lost Coast Ranch in Northern California.
Another luxury holiday
They also get given a stay at the Golden Door destination spa near San Diego in Southern California. (Look, Hollywood royalty need a bit of a hand securing that luxury holiday, OK?)
Yet another luxury holiday
If they want to get out of the States, they can pay a visit to the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria in Sorrento, Italy...
OK, this is getting ridiculous
… Before popping up to the Grand Hotel Tremezzo in George Clooney’s favourite European stomping ground, Lake Como in Italy.
The goodie bag includes a Haze V3 vaporiser, according to Business Insider. Do Stone and Streep ‘vape’? Maybe they will now.
Living life in the spotlight can be intense, we guess, so maybe these Dandi anti-sweat patches will come in useful.
A pelvic floor exerciser
Also thrown into the swag bag is an Elvie kegel exerciser, worth £149, which is described as an “exercise tracker for your pelvic floor” promising a stronger core and “better sex”. Cool.