Speaking at Stylist Live LUXE, the comedian made the case for why we desperately need to change the way we talk about sex.
At Stylist Live LUXE, we like to ask the tough questions. Like, oh, what would you do if you were a man for a day?
That was the question Stylist’s editor-in-chief Lisa Smosarski posed to comedian Aisling Bea on day one of the three day convention. (Tickets for today and tomorrow’s talks are still available now, head here to purchase.)
Bea’s answer was immediate. “I’d put in the minimum effort and call it sex,” she joked. “Imagine that!”
In all seriousness, the comedian took the opportunity at Stylist Live LUXE to remind audience members that we desperately need to change the way we talk about sex. Speaking to a packed room of women, Bea ruminated on how society still – still! In the year 2019 – does not prioritise female pleasure when it comes to thinking about sex.
“If a woman doesn’t climax, they still call it sex,” she said. “I’d love to feel no responsibility [during sex]. We read magazines that say how to get a man, make them fancy you, then as you get older it’s how to give a blow job, how to know if he likes you… Rather than everything tailored to you, and working out if you like him.”
She continued: “What does that feel like? I’d love to know what that feels like in the bedroom and I mean that with love and respect to men, because I don’t think we let them know a lot of the time.”
Bea believes that we’re sorely lacking in language to communicate our desires and needs when it comes to sex, and that has to change. “How do we have the language that’s not accusatory?” she asked. “I’ve had 15 years of learning and trying and so it’s a shock to them [men] to be told for the first time. Sorry if that’s crude for early in the day.”
Bea referenced the work of renowned sex therapist Esther Perel, whose clients include Jada Pinkett Smith and Gwyneth Paltrow. “[She] talks about how women are always told to get out of our bodies,” Bea explained. “Men are told to get into their bodies and out of their emotions. Maybe we have to meet halfway. We will reach their physicality if they can learn to talk to fill the gaps. Let’s see what we’re physically feeling outside of the words we use all the time.”
Outside of the bedroom, Bea had a few other plans for what she would do if she was a man for a day.
“Well, it’s not a great time for men in comedy so I’d have to give that up,” she joked.
“I think it’s interesting to see what would happen if all the raindrops of moments that we have to think about [as women] suddenly weren’t there,” she said. “Walking down the street, not being looked at, and there was nothing else in the brain, like the trance music in the background of this event.”
She continued: “That made me think about all the moments that takes away from our decision moment pool. Obama has a red tie and a blue tie and he chooses from those. I love the idea of just having one outfit to wear for one event. But I’d also love to walk around and see what that feels like, and me as a man walking into a group of friends and expressing all the emotions I have. Is there room for men to emote?”
With Aisling Bea in charge, we’re certain that anything is possible.
For all the Stylist live LUXE action click here.
Images: Getty, Stylist
Hannah-Rose Yee is a writer based in London. You can find her on the internet talking about movies, television and Chris Pine.
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