Whatever you’ve said about Donald Trump during this US election season – and particularly over the course of the last week – you probably haven’t thought that he needs more women in the immediate vicinity of his small, grasping hands.
But according to Caitlin Moran, the Republican presidential nominee would benefit from the company of more “girls” – to advise against his bad decisions.
“A woman would never go as mad or unpleasant as Donald Trump, because she’d have her girlfriends to stop her,” the feminist writer joked. “[She would] always have another girl who’ll just be like, mate, come on, I’m taking your phone off you now and throwing it over the hedge.”
Trump is notorious for his late-night Twitter outbursts, most recently going on a 3am rant about Hillary Clinton and Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe he called “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping” – a stream-of-consciousness tirade described by Clinton as “unhinged, even for Trump”.
These social media-enabled scandals could be avoided, Moran said, if Trump followed one of the central tenets of womanhood: always go to the loo with a mate.
“When Donald Trump’s sitting on the toilet at 5 o’clock in the morning posting these mad paranoid rants about women or Mexicans, or now the rest of the Republican Party, that’s because men go to the toilet on their own,” she said. “I think this is mainly the main weakness of the male sex. They go to the toilet on their own, so they don’t get that regrouping moment where it’s like, OK: tactics.
“No woman running for president would go to the toilet on her own,” Moran continued. “Hillary Clinton’s got five or six mates in there, all just talking about what they’re going to do next.”
Moran was appearing in conversation with Sali Hughes at Stylist Live on Thursday, discussing the power of female friendship. Writer and broadcaster Hughes agreed that Trump was a distinctly male phenomenon.
“This would not happen to a woman, no matter how ghastly the woman,” she said. “This would not happen.”
One of the many positives of having strong female friendships, Hughes observed, is that they often prevent women from making stupid decisions. “Your girlfriends stop you doing absolute nonsense stuff,” she said. “The job of a good girlfriend is to say, ‘Don’t say that – come on now babe, let’s go to bed.’”
Trump's presidential campaign was hit by new claims of inappropriate sexual behaviour towards women and girls this week. On Wednesday, the New York Times published an article in which two women accuse the Republican candidate of forcibly groping or kissing them. The allegations come less than a week after the release of the so-called ‘Trump Tapes’, an audio recording from 2005 in which Trump describes abusing his fame in order to sexually assault women
Jessica Leeds told the paper that Trump grabbed her breasts and tried to put his hand up her skirt during a flight to New York in the 1980s. Another alleged victim, Rachel Crooks, described how the businessman “kissed me directly on the mouth” when she was introduced to him outside a lift in Trump Tower in Manhattan in 2005.
Video footage has also been released of the businessman making inappropriate remarks about a girl believed to be around 10 years old.
Trump’s spokesman Jason Miller called the accounts "fiction" and the 70-year-old's lawyer has threatened to sue the newspaper if it does not retract the story.
However, a New York Times spokeswoman told Reuters: “We stand by the story, which falls clearly into the realm of public service journalism.”
Images: Rex Features