The writer, blogger and founder of the Saggy Boobs Matter campaign says we have been socialised to be scared of being single – and to say no to men more often.
There’s no doubt about it: millennials are having less sex than ever before.
And 24-year-old Chidera Eggerue, aka The Slumflower, is one of them. Speaking at Stylist Live LUXE, the writer and founder of the Saggy Boobs Matter campaign revealed that she is having the “least sex” she has ever had in her life.
“I’ve spent the last year shifting and changing my ideas around sex,” she explained. “I spent this year deciding that I am worthy enough and good enough to ask for more. I didn’t realise this would be the most radical journey I would ever take.”
Eggerue continued to explain what this journey involved.
“I will not grant anyone intimate access to me unless they jump through specified hoops I have laid down for them,” she said. “So anyone who wants intimate access to me will have to sweat for it. They will have to sweat for it a lot.”
She added that she has found other ways to get pleasure in her life, without the need for physical sex.
“When you invest in really good sex toys and you take the time to really know your body, then within 10 minutes (or maybe even five) you will get the answers to your problems really easily, without even having to go to their house.”
Ultimately, Eggerue has been empowered by her decision not to have sex.
“As straight women we have been socialised to be scared of being single and to say no to men more often,” she pointed out. “I have a very stable life, I have a lot going for me. I have a very bright and amazing future ahead of me, so if [a man] wants to be a part of this path, I need to see what he is doing so I will not be distracted by him.
“I only want to share my time with someone who inspires me and will hopefully support me to get to where I want, and I don’t think that is too much to ask for.”
Eggerue first came to our attention in 2017 with the launch of her brilliant #SaggyBoobsMatter campaign. In the two years since, she has become an award-winning blogger, activist and influencer, with over a quarter of a million followers on Instagram. She also published her first book, What A Time To Be Alone, which went on to become a bestseller.
She was joined on stage at Stylist Live LUXE by Cindy Gallop. Gallop is the founder of MakeLoveNotPorn, a platform that offers an essential, feminist counterpoint to the world of mainstream pornography. Over the last decade, Gallop has continued in her mission to change the way we think about sex, and she shares her frank and funny views to over 70,000 followers on Twitter.
Images: Getty, Bronac McNeill
Sarah Biddlecombe is an award-winning journalist and Digital Commissioning Editor at Stylist. Follow her on Twitter