“Who am I, and who do they think I am? Why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me?” Questions I never expected to be asking myself as I began my journey into motherhood. That was 10 years ago now, but new research from Peanut – the platform I founded to connect and support women through all stages of motherhood – has shown I’m not alone in having those thoughts and feelings. In fact, 72% of mothers who responded to our recent poll said they felt invisible in 2023.

So why are mums still feeling so unseen?

Before I became a mother, my identity was tied so closely to who I was professionally. I was running a successful dating platform, surrounded by trusted colleagues and much-loved friends both in and out of work. I never questioned feeling seen, heard or acknowledged, I just was (and I wasn’t afraid to let people know I expected to be). But pretty soon after having my first child, Finlay, I began to feel uncertain about my identity, no longer sure who I was in this new role. I’d anticipated the sleepless nights, the squidgy face and tiny chubby fingers clutching mine as I embarked on the seismic life change that is entering motherhood. Yet like so many women, I didn’t factor in or anticipate changes that would rock my understanding of myself to my core.

After Finlay was born, I found it difficult to remember the level of confidence I’d had pre-birth. ‘Michelle the mother’ was a different character in my life, and she wasn’t necessarily a starring role. The transition was abrupt. I went from an environment of constant interaction and acknowledgement to days spent in solitude with my newborn. Each morning as my husband left for work, I felt a combination of resentment and (without meaning to sound too dramatic) abandonment. Caught in a relentless cycle of self-doubt and failing attempts to leave the house, I felt increasingly invisible.

Unseen and unheard: confronting the invisibility of motherhood