It’s some kind of weird faux-sisterly doormat thing and it’s totally unnecessary. My answer is always the same.

Just stop being friends with that person. If they’re the kind of person I’m imagining them to be, they’ll be too absorbed to even notice that you’ve stopped calling. It is not impolite or rude or horrible to let go of someone who is making your life a misery.

The point is, the women who write in for advice all have the same fear.

They’re afraid that by cutting off ties with someone (even someone who treats them like dirt), they’ll be being mean. They’re scared of being unkind. They’re anxious - ironically - about the label ‘bad friend’. They’re terrified of being a ‘nasty woman.’ (Sound familiar? You even get that label if you run for president.) And so, instead, what they decide to do is be too nice and maintain a relationship with a ‘friend’ who is gently gnawing away at their self-esteem.

Being nice and kind and considerate and generous are all great things in life. And, in the most general terms, we should have more of this kind of behaviour.

But when it’s at the expense of speaking up for yourself, stating what you want and putting yourself first not in a pushy or aggressive way but just because you are entitled to feel however you feel… It’s not good enough. We need to treat ourselves better than this.

And it’s always women. Or at least we’re the ones who talk about this and admit to it.

“Why are women such doormats when it comes to friendship?”