What will The Masked Singer presenter and comedian make of our existential questions?
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?
Not being dead. That’s the simple answer. The more interesting answer would be ‘being in love’ or something soppy like that.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG?
That’s such a hard question. This questionnaire is so damn difficult. What happened to the questionnaires back in the day that would just ask your ‘fave colour’? I think that’s probably the ‘wrong’ answer. But my fave colour is red.
WHERE IS YOUR HAPPY PLACE?
At home with my wife when our internet is working.
NATURE OR NURTURE?
Nurture. I like to believe that you can become anyone you want and it’s not already mapped out. That sounded very serious… Did I say my fave colour was red?
IS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO BE LIKED OR RESPECTED?
I think it’s important to be both. I hate people who think it’s OK to be horrible to people to make themselves feel powerful. There are definitely a few celebrities who do that. What they soon realise is that they are neither liked nor respected and people stop hiring them.
IF YOU COULD BE REMEMBERED FOR ONE THING WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Being good at my job while being nice. But in reality, I will probably be remembered for my unfortunate sex tape.
WHO OR WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST LOVE?
My wife. And my garage gym. Sometimes I get my wife to stand in my garage so I can appreciate both at once.
WHEN DID YOU LAST LIE?
My fave colour is actually blue.
DOES THE SUPERNATURAL EXIST?
Yes! Have you not seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer? That was a documentary, right?
ARE YOU FATALISTIC?
No. I think we can change our fate. A few minutes ago I didn’t know what fatalistic meant and I googled it and now I know. I changed the fate of this question.
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?
Questionnaires and global pandemics.
ANIMALS OR BABIES?
Neither. I can’t look after myself, so I can’t be bothered to start cleaning up poop from babies or animals right now.
WHAT TALENT DO YOU YEARN FOR?
Parkour. God I wish I could do parkour. Those guys look so cool.
DO YOU LIKE TO BE COMPLIMENTED?
Yes. That’s why I’m a comedian. Laughter is a form of compliment and I bloody love it.
DO YOU HAVE A HIGH PAIN THRESHOLD?
I have a higher one these days after my tattoos. The one on my ribs took 13 hours. It was so horrific, but everything feels better after that.
WHAT BOOK DO YOU RECOMMEND MOST TO OTHERS?
Sapiens (by Yuval Noah Harari). It’s such a great book to quote to your friends so you look more intelligent than you actually are.
WHICH LESSON HAS BEEN THE HARDEST TO LEARN?
Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to you a year ago. Sounds like something I quoted from Sapiens.
WHAT FOOD SUMS UP HAPPINESS?
Steak and sweet potato mash.
WHAT HAVE YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD?
People who play squash.
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WANT TO KNOW BEFORE YOU DIE?
How to successfully run away from a restaurant without paying. That’s why I love Nando’s – you pay at the beginning and it feels like you are running away every time.
ARE YOU SCARED OF DYING OR WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE?
I’m not scared of dying really. I feel like I’ve been lucky to lead a good life and experience lots of fun things. So when it’s time, it’s time.
QUINOA OR QUAVERS?
Quinoa. Pronounced correctly.
Joel Dommett is touring the UK with his show Unapologetic (If that’s Okay?) this year; joeldommett.com