You heard it here first: Katy Perry has no time for unattainable #couplegoals.
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom have been dubbed #goals by many, but the couple – who have been together since 2016 – have always made a point of being honest about their relationship and the struggle that comes with maintaining it, especially in the public eye.
So we weren’t all that surprised when, shortly after announcing that she and Bloom are expecting a baby (via her music video Never Worn White), Perry decided to share some home truths about her and Bloom’s romance. Namely, that it’s not perfect, and that’s more than OK.
During an appearance on the On Air With show, Perry said: “There’s a lot of friction between my partner and I, but that friction breeds something beautiful, it can breed a lot of light.
“It’s just one of those relationships. I don’t know about anyone else who’s listening what kind of relationships they’ve had – and I’ve had many – but it’s like we basically, we get down to the matt and come back up every time.”
The Roar musician added: “I have consciously or unconsciously picked a partner that makes sure I keep evolving into the best version of myself.”
Essentially, the secret to Perry and Bloom’s happy relationship focuses on embracing any issues they encounter, rather than seeking a state of perfection or loved-up bliss. And it’s an approach that celebrity couple Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell – who have been together for over three decades – also take.
“You have to learn how to work your way through an argument and be skilful about it and resolve it,” Hawn said, when asked the secret to her and Russell’s long-lasting relationship.
“Things happen during a marriage or a union, things that are said that shouldn’t have been said, or things that are done that shouldn’t have been done, or you feel neglected.”
Hmm. With that in mind, then, how does one argue in the correct way?
Well, John Gottman, a professor of psychology who specialises in martial stability, has revealed that we need to avoid “the four horsemen of the apocalypse” when fighting with our partners.
These red flags are:
- Criticism (framing complaints in the context of a defect in your partner)
- Contempt (name calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humour)
- Defensiveness (making excuses to explain away your actions)
- Stonewalling (withdrawing from a conversation, even if physically present)
Gottman also encourages couples to stop using the word “you” in arguments, and choosing instead to use the word “I” – and to work on their marriage each and every single day, rather than just when it is in trouble.
“Reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went,” he says, insisting that this will help to bleed off stress from the day, and stop it from negatively affecting your relationship.
Gottman adds that arguing is healthy because you get to communicate your frustrations and needs to your partner, and that, if done in the correct way, will cause your relationship to become stronger than ever.
Which means that, yes, Perry is absolutely bang on the money: friction really can “breed a lot of light”.