It’s such a poisonous, pointless and destructive way of approaching life. I feel so exhausted by it, and  it works against us at every turn. If I agree with a public pronouncement or idea, I want it to stand up to stress tests via rigorous argument, not have it stand or fall by how loud its proponent can shout back at naysayers. And if I disagree with some piece-of-s**t statement  by some piece-of-s**t minister or apologist for Weinstein-Trump-et-bloody-cetera, I don’t want it shouted down – I want it dissected, the pieces ground through the mill of logic and then fed to the dogs of rightful contempt.

Most gallingly, and despite all this, I find myself increasingly guilty of seeing life through the lens of outrage, too. I used to be almost pathologically tolerant. Now, I form opinions based entirely on 12-word headlines. I react to single glimpses of people’s behaviour on the Tube, or with shop assistants, and condemn them (in my head, so far) furiously and without mercy. Most importantly, where I used to welcome discussions with friends who think, believe and vote differently to me, I now avoid them because I can’t trust myself to listen and manage the tricky task of coping with nuance. I am out of the habit. 

Who wins when this happens?

Bullies. The arrogant. Idiots who can only think in black and white. Who has his or her mind changed? No-one. We simply entrench and isolate ourselves, and that leaves the loudest, most extreme and most extremely certain people unchallenged.

The comedian Sarah Silverman recently made extraordinary efforts to engage with a troll. Instead of insulting him back, she unpicked the story behind his need to make life miserable for others, and the pair ended up forging a touching rapport. She is now helping pay the crushing medical bills that embittered him. We need not all go so far, but we should remember there are different ways of reacting to what offends or affrights us. Discuss, as animatedly as  you like. But no shouting, please. And no tears.

Images: iStock

"Why we need to stop shouting and start debating"